Don’t pretend like you’ve never seen me before, "Maverick." I know you remember me but you’re afraid to look me in the eye, you and all your lobbyist campaign buddies. Hell, even my own father disowned me. Fine, you still want to pretend you’ve never seen me before? Here, let me refresh your memo-ry (ha ha, that’s just a little memo humor there… I used to be able to make you smile):

To: Campaign Leadership

From: Rick Davis

Subject: McCain Message

Date: 3/11/2008

…It is critical… that we all follow John’s lead and run a respectful campaign focused on the issues and values that are important to the American people.


Overheated rhetoric and personal attacks on our opponents distract from the big differences between John McCain’s vision for the future of our nation and the Democrats’. This campaign is about John McCain: his vision, leadership, experience, courage, service to his country and ability to lead as commander in chief from day one.

Throughout his life John McCain has held himself to the highest standards and he will continue to run a respectful campaign based on the issues. We expect that all supporters, surrogates and staff will hold themselves to similarly high standards when they are representing the campaign….

Do you recognize me now, John? Tell me, did I ever mean anything to you, or was I just so much eye candy to impress the neighbors? Were you and your buddies joking and laughing about me behind my back? Is that why you were so quick to get rid of me the first time we hit a rough patch? I thought we were kindred spirits with a shared love of decency, but you threw me away like garbage!

*uncontrollable sobs*

And now look at where you are without me. I’ve never seen you so low, John. The living room is overrun by creepy lunatics, yelling and waving their pitchforks and scaring respectable folks away. Most people would lock the mouthbreathers in the cellar whenever polite company came over, but no, you served them the fine china and locked me down here instead. I’ll tell your honor and dignity you said hi.