It hit around February 2007 during a cold early-morning dog-walk. I was running through the freelance assignments I had to take care of during the day and I realized that they were both paltry and poorly-paid. I had been unemployed for about four months and had no prospects for a job. How could I keep Kingsley in dog food and treats? Well, I thought, worst comes to worst, I’ll get out of the game and use my skills in a different field. That thought was quickly rendered inoperative by the next one: I have no useful skills.

Luckily, within three months, things sorted themselves out and I started working for TPM. Now I am gainfully employed at both the Windy and FDL. But Lord am I freaked out that the financial collapse will complicate the Windy‘s owners’ efforts at raising money. There’s no evidence at all that such a thing has happened, but, you know, I’m a worrier. My corner of the media seems a lot like the fat of the land, and these are lean times.

I have basically one idea, and it’s not even mine, it belongs to a friend who’s a State Department correspondent for a major newspaper. Her plan is to market breastmilk as a specialty lifestyle drink to hipsters. The idea is that lactation would be used to flavor coffee drinks. (She asked to remain anonymous for now, so "breastmilk" doesn’t show up when you Google her.) This is all the result of a dinner party conversation gone awry, but she explained the plan with such detail that it’s clear she’s got everything but a prospectus mapped out. We immediately paired up. Breastmilk can be the new PinkBerry. Apparently PETA would support us. I want to call the franchise Innocence. And I’m increasingly lactose-intolerant. Basically, you’re either going to see me reporting or selling breastmilk.

Spencer Ackerman

Spencer Ackerman