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Saggy pants ban ruled unconstitutional

MIAMI (AFP) – A Florida judge has deemed unconstitutional a law banning baggy pants that show off the wearer’s underwear, local media reported Tuesday.

The law banning so-called “saggy pants” was approved by city voters in March after supporters of the bill collected nearly 5,000 signatures to put the measure on the ballot.

The teen would have received a 150 dollars fine or community service, but he spent the night in jail due to a history of marijuana use, the Palm Beach Post newspaper said.

“Your honor, we now have the fashion police,” added public defender Carol Bickerstaff, who asked the law be declared “unconstitutional.”

The judge agreed with Bickerstaff immediately, reported the Post.

Look, I think the whole “baggy pants” or “jailin'” look is ridiculous.  I can’t count the times I’ve yelled “Pull up your pants!” out my car window as I drive by a pack of boxer-bearers (yeah, I’m turning into that kind of old man, I guess).

But in America, we don’t make illegal people’s personal choices that may offend, but do no harm, to anyone else.

Ha!  I typed that with a straight face on the week the FBI announced a fifth-straight all-time record number of marijuana arrests (872,271), 89% of which were for simple possession (775,138).  Of course, if you ask the drug czar, he says we don’t arrest over 800,000 marijuana users a year.  He says finding a first-time, non-violent offender in prison for marijuana is like “finding a unicorn”.  I couldn’t help but notice that the kid in this story had to spend a night in jail for his baggy pants, not for the pants, and not even for possessing marijuana in those pants, but because he’s been caught with marijuana in the past!  Baggy pants + marijuana user = criminal thug!  (Who wants to take bets the kid isn’t white?)

I think the whole baggy pants thing could be easily cured, if the Floridians and others with their panties in a wad really wanted to fix it (so many underwear metaphors, so little blogspace).  Get your local American Legion, VFW, or other suitable pack of friendly old dudes, to stroll through the local mall in the “baggy pants” look.  Make “jailin'” uncool.

Or, how about taking all of the money your city, county, and state would be spending on patrolling, arresting, booking, trying, and fining these kids, put it into a fund, and target ten of the most popular of these kids.  Pay each of these kids a stipend from this fund, but only so long as they wear their pants like a human.  If they are seen even once with “baggy pants”, the kid is dropped from the program and some other kid gets free money.  We could call it “Dollars for Decent Drawers”.

OK, removing my tongue from my cheek.  Seriously, this is what some people worry about?  We all know it has nothing to do with pants and everything to do with controlling a certain segment of the population.

Just like drug laws.

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