There’s been a lot of talk lately about the Judeo-Christian values on which our country was founded. A lot of talk about how people are unpatriotic if they don’t force these values on the rest of the nation. And even more talk about how people are going to go to hell if they continue to allow women do decide what happens to their own bodies.

At first, I was a cynic. And, well, a little frightened. Organized religion scares the crap out of me. But then I saw God’s big beautiful light of love and purity, and I became a believer. BRING ON THE JUDEO-CHRISTIAN VALUES! Cleanse my soul with them, please. Only, I mean more the Judeo side? Because that’s really not getting enough play. And, well, scares me a little less.

I’m thinking a state-mandated Shabbat is in order. So from sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday there will be no driving, no electricity, no nothing. Think about the energy we will save! The number of cars that will be off the road for 24 whole hours! God really will hug us just a little bit closer.

Next up, a state-mandated celebration of Yom Kippur. Everyone has to atone for the crimes they have committed against their fellow human. (I’m thinking Sarah Palin’s list of those offended would include all women ever. But I may just be projecting).

Finally, if we really embraced our inner American Jew, we’d never again have to worry about this “lipstick on a pig” nonsense. No more talk about pork-barrel spending, either. Washington would be cleansed. Sadly, though, then we’d probably try and put lipstick on a Moose. And Bullwinkle spending. Because *sigh* Moose is kosher.

Joy Engel

Joy Engel

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