Shadowproof

Letters to Penthouse Guns ‘n Ammo Forum

Like the sign says: everybody wants one…

Continuing with our ongoing coverage of the violent fantasies of the compensating wingnut commenters, we turn to self-published author Judy Gruen writing over at the ironically named American Thinker who regales us with tales of the open road, a John McCain bumper sticker, and the truck from Steven Spielberg’s Duel:

While driving in my neighborhood one afternoon, I was suddenly distracted by the sight of the driver behind me, threateningly close on my tail. She was screaming and was very clearly thrusting the finger at me. (You know, the rude one.) She alternated this gesture with making an "M" with her other fingers, and jabbing them as well.

I knew I had not cut into her lane or violated any other rules-of-the-road etiquette. I could come to only one conclusion: my McCain sticker was causing road rage! I was consoled by the fact that, as an extreme liberal, she probably didn’t have a gun on her. On the other hand, she seemed dangerous, and I wanted an exit strategy faster than the one Obama wants for Iraq. I pulled over as soon as I could to let her pass and get to her anger management session, but instead of speeding away from me and my odious political convictions, she pulled up alongside of me, still screaming and gesturing. I pretended to look impassive, but by the time she finally drove off, emitting more than just greenhouse gasses, she wasn’t the only one who needed calming down.

While this seems to happen on Planet Wingnuttia almost as much as conversations with taxi drivers who sound like just like Heritage Foundation spokespeople, Judy failed to deliver what is known in pay-for-play conservative dating circles as: the happy ending.

Fortunately commenter Jeffrey Gates comes along and, in a sterling example of the oral tradition, embellishes and expands upon the story:

I had the same thing happen to me back in 04 after I put a Bush sticker in the rear window of my F-350.

Some road raged pin head in a beat down Taurus plastered with bumper stickers gave me the buisness end of left wing rhetoric after following me past my home to our local pub.

I intentionally passed my home because this jerk had been following me for a good 15 minutes doing the usual pissed off liberal rite.

You guessed it,screaming mindlessly while shaking his fist toward me through his open window and blowing his horn.

I parked and got my feet on the ground before he did and I waited next to my truck.

This freak pulled up behind my truck and got out screaming "this country is F*#@ed up because of people like you and something has to be done".

I stood there silently and did not respond, yet I stood my ground.

The lack of any response from me infuriated this guy and he came toward me in an assaultive manner. His fists were cleanched and he was stiff jawed. Ah yes, the moment I had expected.

I promptly introduced him to my Glock 27’s gaping bore.

It was priceless, he stopped in his tracks and froze. I stood there looking at him over the top of my weapon for what seemed like an hour.

I asked him if he had anything else that he needed to get off his chest then told him to leave.

He left without saying a word and I was relieved.

Had I been 20 years younger I would have opted out of the castle doctrine and kicked his stringy haired wannabe hippy ass.

Then he went inside and made hot monkey love to his nineteen year-old bride with the double-d’s and the full pouty lips.

Who used to be a lesbian.

And has a nympho sister who walks around the house in the  nude when she visits.

And was a gymnast.

Cigarette?

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