My friends….

The Convention.

Oy.

Jesus, that was longer than a Matlock Marathon and with 40% more old people. Years from now people will recall that listening to the whole thing felt like  being trapped in a tiger cage for  five and half years.

Let’s see, there was the close shot of McMegan McCain watching her dad accept the nomination and McMegan tears up while thinking,

I’m going to be a princess and I’ll never have to work! Princess Megan. No, Princess Meg. No. No. Princess Sparkle Rainbow ChargeCard. Eeeeeee! Awesomeness. Maybe Mom will buy me this little Piper girl for a toy. I can dress her up and everything. I mean, it’s not like these trashy Alaskimo people are going to miss her. They make babies like Krisy Kreme makes donuts. Ooooo. Donuts! Eeeeee! Awesomness!! 

 People were chanting U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! a lot so John McCain must have been in the  Olympics or something but you’d think he would have mentioned that. Then again, old people are always forgetting things….

John McCain had on a shitload of makeup and some kind of industrial strength spackle to fill in his nooks and crannies as he was wheeled out onto the special stage that was built to accommodate his iron lung. Later he spoke of fighting for America until his dying breath so we’re going to pencil him in up until next Thursday, around noon. After that we’re on our own unless we can count on Caribou Barbie who killed her a b’ar when was only three… just to see it die.

I didn’t see the earlier speakers like Lyndsey Graham because I was watching a Will & Grace repeat so, really, it was kind of a push.

I did get to see former prisoner of war John McCain walk out on the stage coming from the light which is kind of ironic considering what is going to happen next Thursday around noon.

Maybe it was just me, but it seems like former prisoner of war John McCain was talking an awful lot about running against the Republican Party which was applauded by the delegates who were supposed to be Republicans, so it is entirely possible that former prisoner of war John McCain walked into the Ron Paul convention by mistake. Old people are cute that way. 

It took awhile before former prisoner of war John McCain finally got around to telling the story of how he became a prisoner of war so it was kind of like a concert by a band that only has one good song and you had to listen to a whole lot of filler and b-side shit and Jazz Odyssey before they get to the good song during the encore and you could finally get your lighter out, hold it up and and yell "Aaaa-ooo! Freebird!"

I have to admit, the film tribute to former prisoner of war John McCain was  pretty awesome:

…and I bet you thought the "s" stood for Sydney.

(bumped up for reasons of my own)