Court Tosses FCC “Wardrobe Malfunction” Fine Against CBS

PHILADELPHIA – A federal appeals court on Monday threw out a $550,000 indecency fine against CBS Corp. for the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show that ended with Janet Jackson’s breast-baring “wardrobe malfunction.”

“The Commission’s determination that CBS’s broadcast of a nine-sixteenths of one second glimpse of a bare female breast was actionably indecent evidenced the agency’s departure from its prior policy,” the court found. “Its orders constituted the announcement of a policy change _ that fleeting images would no longer be excluded from the scope of actionable indecency.”

But Tim Winter of the watchdog organization Parents Television Council said the court’s decision “borders on judicial stupidity.”

“If a striptease during the Super Bowl in front of 90 million people _ including millions of children _ doesn’t fit the parameters of broadcast indecency, then what does?” Winter said in a statement.

In throwing out this fine, these black-robed tyrants have thrown open the doors of Pandora’s Box and unleashed the demons of moral turpitude upon our society!

Now, with no threat of punishment, these filth-merchants will constantly push the envelope, exposing our children to increasing levels of debauchery.  Today it’s nine-sixteenths of one second of Janet Jackson’s right breast.  Tomorrow they’ll push it to nineteen-thirty-secondths of one second of Lisa Lisa’s left breast, and before you know it, our kids will be exposed to a full three-quarters of a second of The Fly Girls topless!

With such shocking and provocative halftime entertainment, our children will be too distracted to enjoy the wholesome beer, liquor, Cialis, Levitra, and Viagra ads.  Research shows that American children today are exposed to, on average, 1,648.6 naked breasts by the time they graduate high school.  When exposure to even six-tenths of a breast can lead to severe attention deficit in 90% of men, we can only imagine these thousands of unrestrained bosoms must be responsible for the severe declines in education  over the past three decades (see “Charlie’s Angels, Three’s Company, & The Rise in American Stupidity” by Dr. V. Boombatz, Dangerfield Institute of Pseudo-Scientific Heuristic Information Technologies, 2006).

I implore all the readers of this blog to protest the decision of this Third Circuit court.  If we don’t uphold the rule of law and severely punish those who would broadcast the naked flesh which God commands us to be ashamed of, then we cannot be surprised when this country descends into the kind of Sodom & Gommorah that would openly accept people of all shapes and sizes, clothed and unclothed, and feel no shame about nudity, sex, gender, or sexuality.

Yours in Jeebus,

Rev. Dr. Oral G. Moorehead

Parents Righteously United in Defiance of Excess