TedFest Poetry Contest – Day Two

Alaska’s oh so senior Senator Ted Stevens believes New York Senator Charles Schumer runs the Alaska Democratic Party. Now, I know firedoglake isn’t exactly Chuck Schumer fan club central (heh….), but I can guarantee you, Ted, I haven’t seen Chuck at any Alaska Democratic Party meetings, listened to him in any conference calls, or taken any orders from him. At our Alaska Democratic Party Convention, over Memorial Day weekend, I don’t remember even hearing Sen. Schumer’s name.

Welcome to day two of TedFest! We got some awesome poems yesterday. 63 of them about Ted, and four more, written from one commenter to another. More to come today? I hope so, pups. Here are a few of the most choice from Tuesday:

Email truck jackknifed
Toobland traffic jam again
Bribes delayed in route — presquevu

“It’s a series of Toobz!”, the madman raved,
“with deliveries made by truck!”
The road to ruin is, as they say, paved
with corruption. Ted, you’re out of luck! — neurophius

Toobz abandon Ted
Indictments fall like snowflakes
Midnight sun has set — Ripley

There are four categories — verse, haiku, YouTube and "open." People picked up on the "limerick" part of "open" right away, although I’ve always thought of limericks as verse. But punaise, who some here regard as firedoglake’s poet laureate, came up with a great possibility at entry # 175. He wrote a poem with hyperlinks attached. I really like that idea, even if stopping in the middle of a poem to click and read, then hitting the "back" button messes with the metric rhythm…

And emptywheel couldn’t resist the temptation to rhyme about Ted in one of her firedoglake headlines today, in an article about how Ted loves himself some Bush Presidential Library funding secrecy:

“Library” Rhymes with “Bribery,” Ted Stevens Edition

Ted’s most likely opponent in the November election, Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich, issued a statement this morning, critical of Ted’s latest attempt to hide the truth:

"The American people deserve to know who is giving money to politicians at all levels of government, but especially the presidency. It’s time for Senator Stevens to stop blocking legislation that would require fundraising for presidential libraries be done out in the open. This move – on legislation that has already passed the House – is yet another instance where Stevens is choosing secrecy over transparency. He should lift his hold and let the light of day back into Washington."

Here’s a challenge to our poets for today. Way more than half of yesterday’s poems had the word "toobz" or "tubes" in them. I dare us to come up with poems from other aspects of Ted Stevens’ rich legacy of misdeeds. You’ve got some great choices:

1. Ted Stevens was Chairman of the Senate Finance Committee the night they passed the "Enron Loophole," that so many – including Ted – blame for 35% of the current price of fuel in the USA. Now he’s claiming he’s going to fix it. Heh, heh – Ted the "fixer."

2. Besides passing awful legislation, Ted sometimes, like in the example highlighted by Mark Begich, tries to hide his heavy hand when he stops or puts secret holds on good legislation.

3. His support of the erosion of our civil rights, the Patriot Act and torture. By the way, Alaskans are probably the most critical of Americans on the Patriot Act, and Ted’s rubber stamping of the growth of illegal government powers flies in the face of the majority of his constituents’ concerns.

4. Alaskans, particularly in our coastal communities reliant on commercial fishing, are not at all happy with Ted’s diversion, over the years, of most of the fish to a few giant companies who have donated generously to Ted’s campaigns and to his wayward son Ben’s "consulting" business.

5. And what is Sen. Stevens doing today? He’s in Fairbanks, touting a plan to open at least one new coal-fired power plant. The one he’s pushing today would be located at Eielson Air Force Base, and would use the Fischer-Tropsch process to convert coal and "biomass" to liquid fuel. His speeches on this in recent weeks have said – I’m paraphrasing freely – "If you don’t do what I say, Alaskans will freeze this winter, the Pentagon will shut down all our military bases, and Al Qaeda will kill you." Drill oil, drill fear, drill up and cart away our civil rights. That’s Ted’s excellent plan, folks.

His likely opponent in November, Mark Begich, doesn’t want to drill away into our fears. His energy plan and his civil rights RESTORATION plan make good, deep sense.

Just off the phone. I’m trying to line up some help on judging these poems over the weekend. I spoke with Connie Irrigoo, Ted’s Anchorage Community Liaison. She directed me to the voice mail of her boss, Jim Egan, Ted’s Alaska Office Director.

Jim just called me back. He’s going to run my offer for somebody from the Senator’s staff or campaign to help judge the contest by the Senator. We’ll see. Keep your fingers crossed, pups.

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