Shadowproof

Q Of The Day: Would You Date A Trans Person?

In my last Q Of The Day diary, the headline asked the question When Is It Okay For Gay Owned Businesses To Discriminate Against Transgender People?

Well, since then, I received a couple of emails from blender Sharon, who reported that she was a member of a TangoWire lesbian group — and she believed one other group. She stated that she was making small progress contacting women for the first time.

At this point Sharon wrote that her story matched Nick Teich almost exactly. She stated she tried to log in and found she couldn’t. She then stated that she sent multiple emails to management with no reply. Finally she became angry enough at the silence to call them directly and stated that she was told the same thing:

“We have no place for you and we’re getting complaints you’re a guy on a lesbian site.”

Sharon then wrote that she told them I’m in therapy and transitioning from male to female but stated “that didn’t mean sh** to them.” She stated that when she asked TangoWire if they would have a place for her, she was told “Not for any foreseeable future.”

TangoWire‘s CEO Joseph Lee wrote a response at Bay Windows letters to the editor regarding their policies on profiles of trans people. I knew I was reading a load of crap from Lee as soon as I saw that Lee had written:

I…have had several transgendered friends — more than most.

Transgendered? Not transgender, but transgender-ed? His trans friends must not be very close friends if they haven’t clued him in on how the –ed version of transgender isn’t the preferred terminology.

But hey — this all boils down to an interesting question to me. I just got a comment on my Yank; California’s 2009 Transgender Leadership Summit, Etc., where blender wbenpc, looking at a picture of me in the diary, said I was looking “fierce.”

So does that mean I’m now thin enough to be datable? Okay, that’s really an unfair question — — that’s not our Q Of The Day question.

Oh yes…let’s just get to the real Q Of The Day question…

An interesting question for folk like Sharon and I would be a question for our cissexual gay, lesbian, and bisexual blenders: Would You Date A Trans Person?

There’s a lot of nuance that could be in an answer. There could be a feeling that you wouldn’t want to date anyone of trans history at all, or perhaps you wouldn’t feel comfortable dating a pre-operative transsexual, but would feel comfortable with a post-operative transsexual. Or even vice-a-versa: Perhaps you wouldn’t feel comfortable dating a post-operative transsexual, but would feel comfortable with dating a pre-operative transsexual. And, where might crossdressers, genderqueers, or non-operative transsexuals fit into your would-or-wouldn’t date categories?

Judging whether or not trans people should be included in the same civil rights legislation with you is sure a lot different than finding these same trans people as attractive as dating partners! If you think about it, your answer to that question really goes to the heart of exactly how much gender variance should be accommodated at heterosexual and LGBT dating websites. If you would or wouldn’t date a trans person, how and where might you meet a trans person in your dating pool, and at what point would you want to know that the person has trans history?

Oh. I shouldn’t have to say this, but I will anyway: Please leave the offensive terminology and such at the coffeehouse door. Such as, a “bad” comment might be “I wouldn’t date a tranny because fucking trannies are FR3@Q5!”. If you chose to answer the question, please be honest — but also please be civil.

~~~~~

Related:

* Speaking Of Gay, Brick And Mortar Businesses Discriminating Against Trans People…

* Q Of The Day: When Is It Okay For Gay Owned Businesses To Discriminate Against Transgender People?

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