He doesn’t know that I know about him.  Which, I assume, is why he behaved the way he did.  Perhaps I should start at the beginning.

I met Luke (name has been changed) when I started a new job a little over two years ago.  His office was just down the hall from mine.  The office was still buzzing about his recent wedding and the near immediate pregnancy of his wife.  The baby was born a mere 10 months after the wedding.

Over the next year, I began to learn a little more about Luke.  He was, and is, a super nice guy who is rightfully proud of his daughter.  He always struck me as a bit “off” but, I chalked it up to the “techie” that he is.  Not to slam techies by any stretch, just never was my cup of tea.  He always greeted me warmly when we passed in the lobby or hall.  He made a real effort to appear friendly to my partner at the holiday party.  Nice guy.

His appearance is flawless!  I was a bit surprised when I met his wife; she’s a disaster in the appearance department.  Of course, as soon as that thought crossed my mind, I slapped myself because Lord knows, there ain’t no accounting for taste.  Heck, only God knows what people say when they look at my partner and I.  Plus, in  my 8 years here in LA, I’ve seen some of the oddest couplings that seem to really work.

About a year ago, through the office grapevine, I found out a bit more of this guy’s story.  It caught my ear.  Being the nosy person I am, I dug around a little and soon hit the motherlode.  Luke had a past and by golly, he wasn’t ashamed of sharing it.  Through a mutual acquaintaince, I located his personal blog and read his testimony.

His story was one of shame and poor choices.  Of sexual addiction and drug and alcohol abuse.  He was…a homosexual!  Or at least he had been.  He now proudly proclaimed himself “ex-gay” and, as an “ex-gay” he was eager, ready and willing to share his story.  He even was involved in leading a group of likeminded peoples at his local church.  His “testimony” was truly amazing and included the ultimate “happy ending” – a lovely wedding to the woman God has pointed in his direction followed by the birth of their lovely daughter!

I never could muster up the courage to talk to him about this life-altering decision he had pursued…we really aren’t that close.  Perhaps that’s for the best because sometimes what people don’t know allows them to operate in a less restrictive environment.  Which leads me to my subject line…meeting an “ex-gay.”

Following the Al Bundy tradition, I grabbed some reading material and headed off to the men’s toilet just off of the lobby.  It’s a bit farther from the one I would usually go to, however, due to the nature of my business, I felt it would be less offensive to those who occupy the suite of offices around mine.  This particular restroom has one stall next to three urinals.  Across from the urinals is a row of sinks running the length of the wall to the other end of the stall.  

I was relieved to find the restroom deserted – quickly entering the stall and proceeding to handle my business.  No sooner had I sat down and began flipping through the magazine when the main door opened, followed by footsteps to the urinal directly on the otherside of the wall from the stall I occupied.  A shoe tapped and I looked over and immediately broke into silent laughter – Larry Craig apparently wasn’t the only one afflicted with a wide stance.  The shoe tapped again…I went back to my reading.

In the background I heard a flushing and footsteps walking over to the sinks.  I guess, had I been paying more attention, I would have expected the faucet to run as hands were being washed.  What I heard instead made me look up from my magazine article.  Whomever was in the restroom was busy wiping off the counters around the sink.  Which was truly weird because the shoes I had seen poked under the dividing wall were not the shoes one would typically associate with the janitorial staff.  While the action registered as weird, it wasn’t enough to give me the hives, so I turned back to my magazine.

Several paragraphs later, my brain registered the continued sound of the counters being wiped down.  I looked up and it was then that I noticed two eyes looking up at me from under the partitian.  “WTF?!!”  Quickly the eyes disappeared and footsteps retreated out the door.

I finished my business and exited the restroom.  The first office I passed upon exiting was Luke’s, I greeted him as usual.  He looked up at me and smiled.  I broke out in hives!  I knew those eyes!

I’m not saying that all “ex-gays” with amazing “testimonies” of salvation from the “destruction” of homosexuality are hanging out in bathrooms surreptitiously looking for a little “action” with the office gay guy.  Luke’s the only “ex-gay” guy I know.  I’m not gonna judge all the rest of them with the same brush.  Then again, I wasn’t surprised at Luke’s actions.  Like I said, something’s off about that guy.





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