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Wingnut Crap of the Season: Holiday Edition

signI posted this picture at my place the other day, but it’s too heartwarming not to share it more widely. It’s of the marquee sign of the Baptist church at the bottom of our hill. As you can see, they’re outraged that the forces of Secular Humanism have so completely prevailed in this country that "Christmas" has become a dirty word — indeed, it is now the "C-Word." There is another word that starts with "C" that used to be thought quite rude, but next to "Christmas," why, it is hardly offensive at all, so feel free to use it frequently and colorfully at all of your Holiday or Solstice gatherings. I sure will! We’ll probably substitute it for the "ring" part of "five golden rings" in "The Twelve Days of C-Word," right before we give all the kids sex toys to make them gay, and Korans to make them atheist Islamofascists. Then we’ll sacrifice a kitten representing the Baby Jesus by hanging it by the neck from the C-Word Tree until it is dead. Yep.

That’s a real sign, by the way. My brother-in-law is visiting for the holidays; he reads my blog, and he was convinced that I’d used one of those humorous sign generators that you can find on the Internet. Nope. It’s genuine — every bit as real the seething resentment that apparently drove someone to write and display it.

Which is not to say that I understand this resentment. A few years ago when this whole "War on Christmas!!!" crap got started, I remember thinking, "wow, this one is so completely stupid, even the really goofball bananas bugshit crazy wingnuts won’t buy it." But buy it they did. And do — never underestimate the wingnut hunger to glory forever in the exquisite delight of howling interminably at preposterous make-believe grievances. And they don’t even seem to mind, or even especially notice, when it all turns out to just be bizarre phony crap.

Oh well. Have a good holiday season, my friends, and if you have any wingnut relatives you’re going to get stuck with at your family parties, well, my advice it to get wasted on egg nog and teach their children some fun C-Word Carols that they can sing to their parents in the car on the way home. It’ll be fun and educational for them!

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A community college professor from upstate NY. My wife & I have 347 children, all of them rotten.