I got this today from my Aunt and Uncle who support me wonderfully, as thay also support LGBT rights.
To Be a Republican…
To be a Republican you need to believe:
1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of
Homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a
Bad guy when Bush’s Daddy made war on him, a good
Guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy
When Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden”
3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital
To a spirit of international harmony.
4. The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest national priority is
Enforcing U.N. Resolutions against Iraq.
5. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her
Own body, but multinational drug corporations can
Make decisions affecting all mankind without
6. The best way to improve military morale is to
Praise the troops in speeches, while slashing
Veterans”s benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents
Won’t have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our
Longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound
Policy, but providing health care to all Americans
Is socialism. HMO’s and insurance companies have the
Best interests of the public at heart.
10. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are
Junk science, but creationism should be taught in
11. A president lying about an extramarital affair
Is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to
Enlist support for a war in which thousands die is
Solid defense policy.
12. Government should limit itself to the powers
Named in the Constitution, which include banning gay
Marriages and censoring the Internet.
13. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s
Cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is
None of our business.
14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a
Crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then
it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your
15. Supporting “Executive Privilege” for every
Republican ever born, who will be born or who might
Be born (in perpetuity.)
16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960’s is of vital
National interest, but what Bush did in the ’80’s is
17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and
Blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those
Worn by the quail.
If you don’t send this to at least 10 other people,
We’re likely to be stuck with more Republicans in
’07 and ’08.
I thought it was neat, and to the point.