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Late Nite FDL: Where Do I Sign to Sell Out?

a devil’s bargainWell, this is interesting. It seems that the Petroleum Institute is taking Right Wing Bloggers on all-expense-paid travel junkets to view some new construction projects and spread the word that, in fact, Big Oil is Wise and Good and Strong and only has the best interests of the American people at heart.

Cap’n Ed:

I will travel the next two days to Houston and Corpus Christi on a tour arranged by the American Petroleum Institute (API). The tour includes other bloggers, including Bruce McQuain of QandO, who announced it earlier today. We will take a tour of Chevron’s Blind Faith platform before they deploy it — a platform designed to pump a new field in the Gulf of Mexico. We will also tour their visualization center, get a briefing on deepwater drilling, and have a lengthy Q&A session with Chevron representatives.

Obviously, I hope to get a better perspective on oil drilling, the petroleum industry, and energy policy as a result.

Because there couldn’t possibly be any better way to get straight answers out of the petroleum industry than to let them assume total responsibility for your well-being for several days as they ply you with food, alcohol, and disinformation. God damn. Could these two jokers be any closer to a surprise upset in the competition with front-runners O’Hanlon and Pollack for the “Overly Credulous Rubes of the Year, 2007” award? Doesn’t anyone but me find it a little humorous that the new oil rig they took these Right Wing stool-pigeons to view is called “Blind Faith”?

I talk a lot about the pride I see in our military about their profession, their equipment and what they do. I saw the same level of pride and professionalism in (Chevron Employee) Emile (Beaudreaux). He is personally invested in this project and he can’t wait to make it a producing facility. I found his pride and sense of ownership to be both impressive and assuring. We often think of big oil companies as monolithic faceless giants that don’t give a good hoot about anything but profit. Mr. Beaudreaux and many others I met, showed me a significantly different and praiseworthy side and one the oil industry needs to spend a bit of time and energy presenting to the public out there. Good people.

Mmmm, yeah. The petroleum industry is packed to the rafters with “good people”, of course. The oil and gas industry are, in fact, staffed entirely by people who reside permanently on Santa Claus’s “Nice” list, whereas Santa hates bad old liberal, environmentally conscious people who think maybe we should look for other sources of energy than oil. We are perennial residents of the “Naughty” column because, God knows, Santa took a beating when his Enron stocks tanked, and the rest of his portfolio is pretty heavily weighted still toward the petro-industrial complex.

But you know, whatevs.

Remember not so long ago when a Certain Wingnut Blogger (who shall remain brainless) got his Aquaman Underoos in a knot because he thought Apple was paying me to hype the iPhone?

I just know that only the lefties get the goodies, like all-expenses-paid trips to Amsterdam, so it doesn’t really matter if he pimps the iPhone or not, and I think he knows that too.

Anyway, as I’m on the right wing and am definitely not getting any free swag from Apple, as I have no opinions to influence besides a bunch of drooling imbeciles whose idea of a really hot new invention is a “fidjo” (which is just a fiddle with a banjo glued to its back), I can, clean of all mercenary motives, declare emphatically that I could give a rat’s ass about Steve Jobs or his darling little techsessories and fashion-forward widgets.

TRex– enjoy the phone. Should prompt literally duos of conversations.

TBogg had the best analysis of the situation, as I recall:

Envy is thin because it bites but never eats. – Spanish Proverb

Shorter Ace:

I think I’ll try passive-aggressive whining about not getting free stuff in the hope that it will get me some free stuff

Maybe TRex will let him have the box to live in.

Well, shock of shocks, I still don’t have an iPhone (nor do I particularly want one), nor have I ever, ever blogged about something because someone was paying me to do it or offering me a free trip to anywhere, on or off an oil rig. But you know, I’m open to the idea. I never said my motives were pure. I’m basically just here because I get off on the attention, but if shiny new consumer items were thrown into the mix, I believe that I could make some room in my panoply of motivations for simple greed and object-lust.

Maybe J. Crew would like to give me one of everything in their winter catalog in exchange for a series of essays about how good my butt looks in their new slim-cut khakis. I know they’ll do it because I’m a Liberal, see, and since Conservatives are the most trodden-upon of all the trod-upon minorities in the US, it would only take my having to ask, and those parcels would start stacking up at my door before you can say, “Payola!”

Are you listening, Hillary campaign? I’ve said before that I’m not leaning particularly in your candidate’s direction, but perhaps a lifetime supply of pudding cups would help my thinking on this issue. Or maybe a free trip to visit Jane and my family who live in DC for New Year’s.

In fact, I’m sure Peter Daou has just dropped everything and is frantically emailing people to get my phone number. Call me!

What about you guys? Has Mr. Soros dropped any hints about what he’ll be bringing down your chimney this year? The Lexus coupe he gave me last year is starting to look a little used. But maybe this year he’ll finally give me that pony (in addition to the seven figures he pays me per annum to attack marriage and subvert traditional values).

Hey, whaddya know? Selling out is kind of fun, isn’t it?

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TRex is a 60-million-year-old theropod who enjoys terrorizing trailer parks, stomping his enemies, and eating things that get in his way or annoy him. He is single and looking for a new boyfriend. He's 60 feet tall, green, with delicate forelimbs, large, sharp teeth, and a lengthy tail. Turn-ons include political activism, bashing conservatives, and volcanoes. Turn-offs are vegetarians, right-wing blogs, and killer asteroids.