Clenis Envy or: Everyone Is Having More and Better Sex Than You

Mitt Romney indulges in a little “dog-whistle politics”, and Kathryn Jean Lopez perks up her ears, runs to the end of her chain, and and salivates as expected:

Mitt Romney has recently taken to referring to the idea of a Hillary Clinton presidency as electing an “intern.” He recently said, to Fox News host Sean Hannity: “The government of the United States is not a place for a president to be an intern. You need to have experience actually leading and running things.”

He’s said it more than once, so there’s no mistaking. He did not mean to say the presidency is no slot for on-the-job training. He meant intern.

It’s a smart line of attack.

In fact, while he’s at it, he ought to encourage Americans to read the new Sally Bedell Smith book, For Love of Politics: Bill and Hillary Clinton: The White House Years, wherein you’ll find passages like: “Finally, on Friday, February 28, Bill invited Lewinsky to an evening taping of his weekly radio address. Afterward he instructed Betty Currie to escort Lewinsky into his private study . . . For the first time in eleven months, they were sexually intimate, first in the hallway and then in the bathroom. When he pushed her away during oral . . . “

Why read this stuff? Voyeurism? Nope. There’s a substantive reason. As I started to read the book, I, political junkie, got bored; then frustrated. I’ve been there, done that.

At which point I feel duty-bound to step in a say, “I seriously doubt it”.

But what Kathryn Jean is actually talking about is the looming threat of a Hillary Clinton presidency that will somehow bring to the surface all of those deeply repressed memories of a period in American life when people (and by people I mean people like Kathryn Jean Lopez) were consumed with that slab of hillbilly ham hock that nestles snugly, but restlessly, in Clinton Crotch Holler. If you were expecting a detailed analysis of The Darkness 1993-2001 (the forced abortions, the all-gay military, the Other Great Depression, Jerry Maguire) , you will be sorely disappointed since it appears that all of woes somehow flowed from the massive manmeat of Cockmaster Bill:

I’ve lived through the blue dress and all the other details. We all lived through that. And while the impeachment was about important public issues — perjury and abuse of power — it all stemmed from, and fed into, that drama that is the Clintons.

For all the Clintons’ talk about getting-back-to-the-people’s-business, it was, in the end, about the Clintons. All the time “wasted” on impeachment was the result of the refusal of a president to resign, after being caught red-handed in perjury and obstruction of justice. Hillary Clinton, who stakes her claim of executive experience on her two-for-the-price-of-one days in the White House, hasn’t apologized; to the contrary, she continues to rant about a vast right-wing conspiracy.

Oddly enough, although the country might agree that time was wasted, they didn’t see it exactly the way the K-Lo did, with only 35% approving of the impeachment proceedings and 64% approving of the Senate’s decision to keep Bill Clinton in office. There is a reason for this.

When Bill Clinton lied on the stand about having an affair he did what just about every man in America would do under the same circumstances. I know I would. This wasn’t lying to a grand jury regarding matters of national security (we’ll leave that to Scooter Libby). This was lying about fucking around on his wife and, as hard as K-lo may find this to believe, there are a lot of people in this country who acknowledge that this happens and many of these same people don’t care where other men put their dicks. No. Really. It’s true. And after watching Ken Starr blow through tens of millions of dollars only to come up with a stain on a blue dress, well, let’s just say that no climax has ever been so anti-climactic.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....