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Late Night: Wingnut Crap of the Week

Romulan womanThis week in wingnutry: what have these fuzzy little freaks been up to? Dum da dum, let’s see… the usual embarrassments. Bonding, beastiality, buffoonery, bombast, bondage, and blubbering. And let’s not neglect the outrageous injustice, torture, tortuous weaseling on the subject of torture, pretending that paying for children’s medical care equates to Stalinism, and, inevitably, scandals new, old, ongoing, and just plain hilarious. And then there’s Deb Kagan, Romulan dominatrix and dinner date for the Red Skull, whose taste in jackets is a scandal unto itself.

So once again we must sift carefully through all this wingnut manure to find the comical ponies. Via Scott, Sara Anderson finds an especially classy one prancing about Idaho. Congressman Bill Sali, on why he voted against SCHIP:

This bill is very harmful. It takes money from hardworking Americans while opening the door to provide health insurance to undocumented foreign nationals, including gang members, drug cartel operatives and terrorists.

He only forgot to mention that SCHIP will also make you gay. And not the nice, sitcom kind of gay either. This kind of gay, the kind that Jesus doesn’t like so well and makes insane people want to stop drinking Miller Lite. (Sane people, of course, never drank that swill to begin with. Perhaps a miracle could be called for wherein Miller Lite were turned into beer?)

But even Rep. Sali is overshadowed in the “what the HELL are you talking about”? wingnut gobsmackathon by noted crazy person with a newspaper column Don Surber. As Rox asks, “say what?

Americans hate that kind of politics of personal destruction that Democrats have indulged in since Bill Clinton took office.

Because after all, Bill Clinton shot Vince Foster in order to cover up their lesbian affair, or just to watch him die, or something. If you remember the 90s, you haven’t yet drank nearly enough to make you forget that that’s the decade that gave us Matt Drudge. Or that clowns like Don Surber started getting paid to share their written opinions with the world.

But at least we can rest assured that the nation is in good hands, and that Our Well-Loved Leader knows what he’s doing, if not what he’s talking about:

My job is a decision-making job. And as a result, I make a lot of decisions.

I hope that makes you feel heaps better about how things have been going for the nation lately.

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A community college professor from upstate NY. My wife & I have 347 children, all of them rotten.