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Thank You, Rudy Giuliani

You know what, Thers? You and everybody else who’s giving Rudy a hard time for taking that call from his wife during a speech to the NRA need to lighten up. Seriously.

By crossing this new frontier in boundary-free living, by once again raising the personal narcissism bar to new heights of impolitesse, Rudy has finally given me, an American liberal, a way that 9/11 can personally benefit me on a daily basis. And it’s about damn time.

For conservatives, this is old hat. 9/11 has provided them with excuses to live out their full, “Triumph of the Will” wet dream. 9/11 is their touch-stone, their magic word to silence all argument and smother all dissent in its crib as they trample human rights and throw more and greater freedoms on to the bonfire of their vanities.

But now, with one simple act of me-first exceptionalism, Mayor Ghouliani has shown me The Light. I can justify even the most petty acts of selfishness simply by invoking the fall of the Twin Towers. I will never, ever, ever have to turn off my cell phone again.

Tomorrow morning, when the groggy solemnity of the Monday staff meeting is shattered by my cell phone blasting Kanye West’s “Can’t Tell Me Nothin'”, all I have to do is chuckle sheepishly and say, “9/11!” and take the call and everyone will automatically just sit there and wait ten minutes for me to finish talking to my brother about whether he should order another pair of Red Wing boots or get some Dingos like mine.

Because, you know, 9/11? It changed everything.

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TRex is a 60-million-year-old theropod who enjoys terrorizing trailer parks, stomping his enemies, and eating things that get in his way or annoy him. He is single and looking for a new boyfriend. He's 60 feet tall, green, with delicate forelimbs, large, sharp teeth, and a lengthy tail. Turn-ons include political activism, bashing conservatives, and volcanoes. Turn-offs are vegetarians, right-wing blogs, and killer asteroids.