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I've never been so alone, I have felt alone in my life, but was not really. Now this is different, i can clearly and truly tell that I hav never been so alone in my life. It seems like 19 is the hardest
age because you have to deal with the present AND the futur. Futur takes a huge place in your life, bigger than the present does.In a way it reminds of the movie St Elmo's fire those kids are not yet 25 but they're already a little bit tired by the life they had to go through. No one prepares you to that, everyone is talking about this whole teenage thing, and of course beigne 13 and ugly is tough, and violent and depressing and whatever you are. But when you come to 18 years old, at the gates of adulthood (adultery is another problem) don't even try to tell me that it's not as dreadful as wearing a brace when you're 13. Well i guess that being gay doesn't help…

It's been a year now since i came out, and i see the world in a whole different way. I used to be the
girl next door, now I'm like ” forget about it, there's no gay next door” I know I crossed a line, I'm on the other side of the road, now i know that people that i've never seen in my life and that i will never ever know are going to hate me for that only reason. Well that's not really the worst thing, the worst is definitely about family and friends. Well i don't have any friends now, so i guess that i'm kinda
lucky… in some sort of weird way…

But I KNOW that my family is gonna be disappointed, AND/OR disgusted, AND/OR sad, and guess what, SO AM I !!

Well, I know that the whole LGT community is trying real hard to pretend that being  gay is awsome, i mean take a look at gay pride, those girls and boys seem to be on LSD or something.
Look at the L Word, sure there is a lot of drama in this show (RIP DANA), but the life of a lesbian is not so cool, at least i can tell at the beginning. You have to go through a whole process that is exhausting
First big thing, and i think probably the biggest is to personaly come out, and by that i mean to accept the idea of being gay without being scared, ashamed and depressed.
To come out is the biggest step any gay person will ever have to take, i mean we should be respected like gods if straight people had any idea of hard and violent it is.
Take two minutes if you're straight to picture this: you have to accept to be probably what is the most hated thing in society : DIFFERENT (sexually speaking in that case). Whoa, that's a big deal i tell you.
What people are too dumb to understand is that it's not all about sex, but about LOVE.
If a straight person comes to you and tells you he/she is in love with someone, you're not gonna think “oh what a perv, he/she wants to get laid !!” So now you can understand when i say that homosexuality is NOT just all about sex. But there is this word : homoSEXUALITY, who the eff invented this word ?! Probably a bunch retarded straight grandpas. It could have been homolove, cute enough for me, but no no wait the word SEX has to be in it right, so that “those people ” can understand how perverted they are.

I miss those days from when I was a kid. I knew what homosexuality was, but i didn't feel “homosexual”. I knew what it was because i was born in 1988, four years after AIDS was discovered, and for a long time
people needed to be explained about it and when doctors or journalists wanted to do so, they had to talk about homosexuality because the virus first appeared in the gay community. Then homosexuality became the crime that caused this mortual disease. But how could i feel like the feelings i had for another girl were sick. I couldn't because it was sooo pure, and if i had to define it i wouldn't have talked about amelie
mauresmo or gay rights, i would have just talked about this girl.

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