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Late Nite FDL: Larry Craig Loves Me

closetedThat can be the only logical explanation. Well, that, or that Senator Craig is simply an insatiable slut, at least when it comes to embarrassment, humiliation, and media shit-storms.

From the AP via the Hartford Courant:

BOISE, Idaho – Sen. Larry Craig is reconsidering his decision to resign after his arrest in a Minnesota airport sex sting and may still fight for his Senate seat, his spokesman said Tuesday evening.

Do what, now? Are you kidding me?

Craig, a Republican who has represented Idaho in Congress for 27 years, announced Saturday that he intends to resign from the Senate on Sept. 30. But since then, he’s hired a prominent lawyer to investigate the possibility of reversing his plea, his spokesman said.

Well, hot damn. I can’t think of a single recent news item that has filled me with such delight as Larry Craig’s decision not to, er, keep his head down.

In fact, I’m thrilled that Craig has decided to stay in the fight. I am even going to go so far as to pro-actively endorse his ’08 Senate run. I know that on the whole, we Lefty bloggers have refrained from (ahem) full-throated endorsements for ’08, but this is one campaign that I can wholeheartedly, um…get behind.

For you see, I just don’t feel like we’ve had quite enough fun with this story. Absolutely nothing on god’s green earth would provide me with more material on a nightly basis than a long, drawn-out public fight where Senator Craig tries to convince the world that his decades of well-documented cocksucking were all “a misunderstanding”.

There are so many things to love about this story. Just think of the campaign slogan contests we can have, “Larry Craig for Senate: Only Queer for Married Guys!”, or even just further anthropological exploration of the dank, furtive demimonde where men like Craig get their jollies servicing other people’s husbands.

As a gay man who came out as a teenager, all this Restroom Leg Syndrome, “wide stance” foot-tapping, and anonymous solicitation is a world entirely outside of my experience. It’s like finding out that you have distant relatives who are adherents to some freaky cult. “Really? They do what?! Tell me more!”

The most amazing thing about Senator Craig’s decision not to go gently into that good night, however, is the damage that he is willingly inflicting upon the Republican Party. Every day that he stays in the public eye, he becomes more of a (burning) albatross around Mitch McConnell’s neck. We apparently have Arlen (“This is a Terrible Problem and Something Must Be Done Right Away, Except for the One Thing That Would Actually Make a Difference”) Spector to thank for Senator Craigslust’s abrupt decision to install a revolving door on his personal closet. Thank you, Arlen. If you weren’t such a putz I would be tempted to think you’re doing God’s work for us liberals. But I know better.

Thank you, God, for making Senator Craig as stupid and crazy as a sprayed roach. For sharp-tongued satirists like me, there could be no greater gift than a conservative gay-bashing Republican senator who pleads guilty to soliciting anonymous sex from an undercover cop…and then goes on the TeeVee insisting that he’s NOT GAY.

Clearly, I’ve been a very, very good boy this year.

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TRex is a 60-million-year-old theropod who enjoys terrorizing trailer parks, stomping his enemies, and eating things that get in his way or annoy him. He is single and looking for a new boyfriend. He's 60 feet tall, green, with delicate forelimbs, large, sharp teeth, and a lengthy tail. Turn-ons include political activism, bashing conservatives, and volcanoes. Turn-offs are vegetarians, right-wing blogs, and killer asteroids.