What? No plague of locusts?Check-in was just like this

Greetings from Hawaii: Land of More Vowels Than Necessary.

The hurricane is on its way… we just missed the earthquake. I think they’re trying to tell us something. The school is adorable, the people are nice, and the traffic laws are more like guidelines.

I like it here.

But someone better tell Malkin that the place is lousy with the Japanese and brown people. I don’t know whether we’re gonna need bigger internment camps or possibly a floating fence between the islands and west coast.

I await instructions.