The Politics of My Raising A Child
I worry about a lot of things, like if I make a good boyfriend, if I make a good brother and if, maybe one day, I'll make a good father. Often times, I spend more times worrying than I do living my life. I shudder when I think of how that would make me be as a parent.
I see myself as one of those dads worrying that not reading enough to my kid or doing the right things with them will put them at a permanent disadvantage in this world. My constant worry would be whether or not I was providing the maximum benefits for my child to make something of themselves in this world.
Fatherhood scares me. Period.
I see my mom and often wonder why people have kids in the first place. They cost an arm and a leg financially, they most certainly are ungrateful and they demand a very large amount of your time. Worst, I worry about raising a child alone, like my mom did with myself and my two siblings.
Can you imagine that? Me finally working up enough courage to plunge into fatherhood while at the same time being plunged into the icy waters of singlehood? Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with single parents (I was raised by one who was the best!), I just couldn't see myself doing it.
It's not like there's a specific guideline out there for fathers to follow. A “Good” father and a “Bad” father, with notable exceptions, is hard to define, since it is subject to who's asking the question and what they see as good or bad.
For instance, would I try and shield my child from sex, drugs and profanity on television? First, knowing myself, we'd never have time to be in front of the tele, but if we ever were I would never send my child out of the room. Why pretend that the countless hours my child would spend at school would only be spent on conversations about homework, lollipops and the weather. I would rather expose my child first to such topics, so that I can explain them to him.
My child's life would be filled with all the cheesy things an overly-concerned parent would do, from Baby Mozart to tutoring at an early age to more than regular visits to the doctor, nutritionist, dermatologist, dentist and countless other specilizations ending with “ist”.
I try not to think about me sending my child off to college. I think with any parent there's a little voice in your head almost wishing they would just not to college, and save you a few hundred thousand dollars (as colleges these days can get pretty expensive).
Lost in all my thoughts however are pressing questions that I try not to confront.
As a gay man, I wouldn't be able to marry. And I don't just mean that I won't be able to have a wedding ring that comes with the husband.
I mean that I won't be able to have for my child the countless financial advantages that exist to aid those raising children.
Hell in most parts of the world, and in many parts of this nation, I would have to spend thousands of dollars on legal advice simply to attain some of the basic rights that heterosexual couples are granted without the bat of an eye.
Anyway, my intent was not to make this a “oh feel sorry for me post”, and it isn't. The reason I wrote this post is because it's an outlet for me to share personal concerns in my life that arise from the current political climate of our nation and world.
We all have these stories. Somewhere a young teeange women is writing about her plans for a family, only later in life, while anti-choice laws force her to abandon that plan.
I feel like I should link this to current anti- same sex family legislation or politicize this in another way, but I would rather let you guys make this post happen.
For all the parents out there, I would like you to share anything you want to about your children. Anyone, non-parents, children are free to comment.