…and my action figures never die.

The mighty 101st Fighting Keyboarders turn to increasingly sophisticated methods to prove that Everything You Hear From Iraq Is Wrong. In this episode, Power Line reader Stuart Koehl goes out to his backyard sandbox and recreates the story of a “crazed Bradley driver running over a dog“:

From the description of the dog-killing incident, the Bradley driver slowed the vehicle down and tried to do a skid turn. When you turn a tracked vehicle like a Bradley, you do it through differential braking–you slow down the inside track and accelerate the outside track, so the vehicle skids through the turn. Anyone who has ever seen it done will tell you it would be just about impossible (a) to catch a dog like that (dogs have better reflexes than tracked vehicles).

But even assuming that this guy was the world’s greatest track driver, I still think the story as presented is pure BS. According to the story, the dog is on the right side of the vehicle, because the driver turns right to run it down.

I am looking now at a 1/32nd scale model of a Bradley, and I can say with some assurance that the driver’s hatch is on the left side of the vehicle. Immediately to the driver’s right is the engine compartment, the cooling grill of which rises above the level of the driver’s hatch, making it impossible to see anything on the right side of the vehicle. Even if the driver was head-out, he still couldn’t see anything to his right below the level of the top deck (all armored vehicles have significant blind spots close in, which is why they need dismounts to protect them from RPG guys in foxholes). So, if, as the blog says, the driver “twitched” the Bradley to the right, he must have used extrasensory perception in order to catch the dog. Because there’s no way he knew the dog was even there.

In my opinion, the whole thing is a shaggy dog story.

The role of the dog was played by a 3-inch My Little Pony named Princess Sparkle Snowflake Rainbow.

Next up: Warren Commission report disproved using a Hot Wheels Terrordactyl Track.

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