Harry Potter and the Ouchy Stigmata

Oh Jeez:

Could the next Harry Potter be a devout Christian?

As the days tick down until Saturday, when a breathless world learns the fate of the teenage wizard, a new breed of fantasy fiction, with Potter-style stories, is emerging.

Like the Potter series, it has mystical creatures, macabre events, epic battles and heroic young protagonists.

But, unlike the Potter books, this genre has overt Christian tones: messiah-like kings who return from the dead, fallen satanic characters and young heroes who undergo profound conversions. What you won’t generally find: humans waving wands and performing spells.

So basically the books will be like the Bible but with more sword fights and less gay-stonings. This could be bigger than Christian Rap.

Isn’t all fantasy fiction pretty much the Ultimate Battle Between Good and Evil from Narnia to The Stand?

This part is pretty funny:

Steeple Hill, the Christian fiction imprint of romance publisher Harlequin, will churn out 128 titles this year while hewing to strict standards followed by many Christian book publishers: No swearing (not even “gosh” and “darn”), no dancing or drinking by Christian characters, no gambling, no mention of intimate body parts. And forget sex scenes, even if the characters are married to each other.

So how many books do you think they can get out of The Courtship of Jane and John Roberts series?

Hands off the ass, Sparky.
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Yeah. Like I would tell you....