Normally, I’m not a fan of Cheryl Lavin. For those who don’t know, she writes a column in the Chicago Tribune called “Tales from the Front” about the difficulties of dating. Mostly it is a mess of entitled ‘Nice Guys’ whining about how their owed perfect supermodel has not arrived, indecisive women who can’t make a decision but complain that Prince Charming has not saved her, and pretty much the worst of cranky single people whining about the opposite sex.
But I was intrigued by today’s headline which was “Woman with surprising past gets a surprise of her own”. I was even more surprised that today’s story was a follow up on a MtF! And I have to say, it is a good little article about post-op dating that avoids judgment, fear, or ‘scary tranny’ stereotypes. It is worth your time to read. I particularly liked the part where Lavin responds:
“My ex and I were married for 20 monogamous years. I want that feeling of monogamy and sincere love again. I’m a good person with a weird past. Is it too much to ask?”
I told her it certainly wasn’t. She was entitled to ask for the same things almost everyone else wants: love and marriage. The problem — for her and everyone else — is how to get them.
I know that the advice and lifestyles section of the Chicago Tribune is not the be all end all of trans inclusive media, but just having a transperson included in a column that is usually so focus on the male vs female war of the sexes mentality is a step in the right direction. How many readers in Chicago (or particularly the surrounding suburbs) never think about trans people or trans issues? How many think that trans people probably die alone, if they think of them at all? And how many people will be touched by this woman’s happy ending? I’m touched that Lavin doesn’t treat this woman as a freak or tell her to expect loneliness.
In fact, quite the opposite.
“Well, you know how people always say that you find someone when you stop looking? On the one site I left open — because I liked the silly extras it offered — a guy e-mailed me, and we started talking online, then on the phone, then in person.
“There really is someone for everyone; you just have to keep yourself open. The thing is, if I had adhered to the ‘What I’m looking for’ part of my profile, he wouldn’t have fit. He doesn’t match who I thought was my ideal guy. But when I started looking with my mind and my heart instead of my eyes and a checklist, I discovered that he was the exact man I was looking for. We were married in my church over Memorial Day weekend.”
Kudos to Cheryl Lavin for presenting trans love as being just as worthy of attention as straight love. And kudos to Call Me Madam on navigating the difficulties of the trans dating world and finding someone to share her life!