Face the Snark – Rolex edition
“Ah’d like to thank you for takin’ time outta yer busy schedules to meet with me. As you know, we here at Bush Enterprises . . . ‘enterprise’, Ah think that’s a French word, y’know . . . some people say Ah don’t speak English too good, but Ah figgered out some of that Frenchie stuff, though Ah still haven’t learned the French for ‘entrepreneur’. Well, anyway, we here at Bush Enterprises wanted to unveil our new product: The Surge Timepeace™ by Dubya.”
“Heh heh heh, now Ah know what y’all are sayin’ – what do Ah know about watches? Ah have a hard enough time with numbers. Well, we rolled out this product back at the beginnin’ of this year, distributed it to a buncha our military guys and some of mah friends in Washington, D.C. — yeah, Ah have a coupla friends in D.C., but mostly they’re in Texas, mah amigos, mah compadres — and the watches have been a real hit! Hell, even Laura wears one, and she’s in her own time zone, if you know what Ah’m sayin’.
“Anyway, they’ve been so popular that we’ve decided . . . well, Ah decided, since that’s mah job as Deciderer . . . to make ’em available to the general population. Now what’s so special about mah watch? Well, for one thing, Poppy an’ his friends at Carlyle bought Albania, since that’s pretty much the only place Ah kin go to get the kind of reception Ah’m used to, so we’re makin’ the watches there, and not in stupid China. An’ no, the Amurkan people need to unnerstan’ that nobody stole mah watch while Ah was in Pirahna. Ah saw the videos on the YouTube. You kin see me slippin’ the watch into mah pocket.
“Anyhoo, the Timepeace also comes with a real nice metal band. Not one of them sissy leather straps, like you see on old guys wearin’ them Crocs. But a real nice, macho metal band that won’t “fall off” when yer shakin’ hands with the brown folks, if ya know what Ah mean. Heh heh heh.
“But mah favoritest feature of this watch, the ‘piece de insistence’, if you will, is that it tells time in 6-month excrements. Every six months, the hands go back to ‘zero’ and time starts all over again, which is why so many of mah commanders on the ground in Iraq love it. It’s also been real popular with my friends on Capitol Hill who unnerstan the importance of lettin’ our plan for Iraq really work, and y’all know how Ah feel about popularity contests. So Ah take their thumbs-up as a ringin’ endorsement of my product.
“Now Ah know what yer sayin’ – yer sayin’, ‘George, where kin Ah get me one of these watches? Well, now, that’s why Ah brought Dick Cheney with me today. Take it away, Dick…”
Move over, Althouse, Oshry, and Malkin. The Anchoress is ready for her close-up, courtesy James Wolcott.
The Editors at the Poorman Institute thinks it’s time for Hitchens to check into Promises Rehab Center.
Dan at A Blog Named Sue discovers that William Donohue is . . . GASP! . . . a hypocrite!
No, Mr. Bond. Spork_Incident expects you TO DIE!
Ohmif**kinggod. I wish this weren’t real, but it is. TBogg has found the sorriest lot of Mittaholics in the United States.
Rue the day that alicublog‘s Roy Edroso is in the same room with Peggy Noonan. The same could be said of Jonah Goldberg even contemplating sharing the same reality with Doghouse Riley at Bats Left Throws Right.
Rorschach at No Capital discovers something terribly amiss in the Capitol. No word on whether any little flags were present.
res ipsa loquitur at Rising Hegemon merely asks for consistency from our Senators in love.
Mister Leonard Pierce at Sadly, No! invokes Godwin’s Law. I don’t think Pammycakes would be amused.
I understand that Electric Six are rewriting their lyrics to “Gay Bar”. Scott at World O’ Crap has the details.
Ken Levine envisions the Sopranos finale if it were on, say, FOX.
Jon Swift says good-bye to Mr. Wizard.
[photo of Bush: AP/Charles Dharapak]