Pentacostal Zombies

Taken from my own blog today:

(Comedy-form true story):

We all make mistakes, and one of mine was attending a private “christian/southern baptist” affiliated college upon high school graduation. It wasn’t all bad, but the loons I encountered there will provide some nice story material in the future.

Although the school was supposed to be “baptist”, the biggest religious influence in town (I later found out AFTER becoming a student) was “pentacostal”. And with a fair percent of students being local commuters and pentacostal, you were sure to see lots of new students being sucked into that hogwash.

Even the manager/franchise owner at the part-time job I got in town was a pentacostal – and she was converting employees, one person at a time. One week, an assistant manager was a pretty cool person and had somewhat of a filthy mouth. The next week, she was speaking in tongues and loosely quoting the bible. Another assistant manager got transformed as well. The crazy bitch couldn’t sink her talons into me, therefore, I was the spawn of Satan. Hiss!

Towards the later part of my second year at the school, I “came out”; first, to my best female friend/first friend I made before we became students (at a high school statewide event), Tanya. Of course she was accepting and nothing changed about our friendship…..

until one night when she returned to campus with Sara, another female friend of ours. They had been on a church visit – with “one of them”.

The next day, both girls had dramatically changed everything about themselves. They stopped smoking cold turkey, and drinking, because it “destroyed your temple” they said. They no longer dressed casual – both would be wearing long dresses, and their hair was put up in a “bun” – which by the way, looks ridiculous on any woman. Although they were never particularly hateful towards me personally, they did ramble on with the tired “hate the sin, love the sinner” thing. It was a weird sight for the rest of our group of friends, as if Tanya and Sara had been bitten by a pentacostal zombie or something.

This went on for at least a week or so. “Love the sinner, hate the sin”, “sha-la-ba-za-ca-la-ba” and all that other stupid speaking in tongues bullshit.

At one point, I thought the girls were playing a prank or something. It was just too ridiculous to be true.

Then magically, as if some secular fairy flown through the window and sprinkled “get some fucking sense” dust on them overnight, they were back to their old selves again. I welcomed my fag hag back with a cigarette, and we partied all night long.

The end.Note: Miss Mona asked about the reason why my friends changed back to themselves, which I guess I left open. To my recollection, the group of us were hanging out as usual, and the girls I guess got tired of seeing the rest of us have fun, while they sat there speaking in tongues and reading their “devotional” book.

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