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Face the Snark – Regent Alumni Edition


For the week ending 5/12/07:

Ms. Goodling, now 33, arrived at the department at the start of the Bush administration after working as an opposition researcher for the Republican National Committee during the 2000 presidential campaign.

Her legal experience was limited; she had graduated in 1999 from Regent University School of Law, which was founded by Pat Robertson. Deeply religious and politically conservative, Ms. Goodling seemed to believe that part of her job was to bring people with similar values into the Justice Department, several former colleagues said.

She joined the department in the press office. Soon after, two lawyers said, Ms. Goodling complained that staff members in Puerto Rico had used rap music in a public service announcement intended to discourage gun crime.

“That is just outrageous,” she told one department lawyer. “How could they use government money for an ad that featured rap music? That kind of music glorifies violence.”

 — The New York Times, 5/11/07 

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

Well, I've finally settled into my apartment in Georgetown!  There are so many powerful people living right on my street, it's amazing!  I can see why Mrs. S___ at the Regent placement office suggested I move here. More later!

Dear Mommy,

Don't tell Daddy, but my roommate has a new boyfriend, and they have SEX in the apartment WHILE I'M HOME!! They're NOT married!  I've told her how much I disapprove of her whorish lifestyle, and she called me a name I can't repeat to you. I don't know if I can live in the same house with someone with no regard for the sanctity of marriage and the rule of God.

P.S. Right now, I'm helping John Ashcroft with his testimony for his appointment as Attorney General!  Mr. Ashcroft is such a righteous man.  AND he hates naked statues, just like Daddy! I volunteered to cover them whenever he has to make speeches in the lobby.

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

My boss, John Ashcroft, is changing how we hire lawyers at the Department of Justice!  I've been tasked as the person people contact for the hiring of judges!!!  Finally, I can give back to Regent University! 

P.S.  Thanks for the real Ralph Lauren t-shirt you got when you visited New York's Canal Street with your tour group.  I'm going to wear it to the next Regent alumni picnic! 

Dear Daddy and Mommy,

Being a prosecutor is a lot of work. I'm feeling really stressed out.  Nobody here wants to participate in my prayer circles and they keep nagging at me about separation of church and state.  I mean, as if!  My constitutional law professor told us that church/state separation is an antiquated notion meant to deprive good Christians of their rights to practice their religion. 

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

Alberto Gonzales, you know, THE Attorney General himself, has told me that I'm going to review who we hire in the U.S. Attorneys Office! Can you believe it?? I get to interview potential hires for USA positions.  That horrid little heathen of a  woman down in Human Resources gave me a pamphlet on appropriate questions, but I threw it out as soon as I got back to my office.  God tells me what to ask the candidates, not some silly book written by the EEOC.  I have already rejected several candidates because they're [sic] resumes showed that they went to Northeastern law schools or worked for New York City law firms.  We know what THAT means.  No Democrats here, thank you very much!!

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

I don't want to go to jail!  Will they play rap music there? 

P.S.  What does "limited immunity" mean?

From whence today's image comes… and res ipsa loquitur at Rising Hegemon notes, yet again, another eerie resemblance between the new French P.M. and our own Assclown-in-Chief. Blogenfreude at Agitprop says, "Le Oops!"

Roy, Roy, Roy.  You owe me a new laptop. The latest takedown of the Pantload at alicublog:

This is Goldberg's traditional rhetorical gambit — make outrageous negative claims about the opposition ("determined to skip the serious argument part") and declare his side superior, then momentarily float above his seat on a cushion of methane gas.

Meeester Wolcott has a chortle at Pam Oshry's expense.  Seems her little "Everybody Hate On The Arabs" rally here in NYC wasn't a sell-out, like she hoped.  Looks like she got as many people as showed up for the "Free Paris Hilton" rally in L.A.

Cliff Schecter is astounded at what local radio idiots can get away with.

Maru the Crankpot at WTF Is It Now?? has the  Gonzales For Dummies version of his testmony before the House on Thursday. Gottalaff at Cliff Schecter wonders why nobody (other than Wexler) treated Gonzales with the disdain he so rightfully deserves. 

Well, it's nice to see that I haven't cornered the market on mocking Laura Bush. Scott at World O' Crap has found an especially funny video.  Must see teebee!

Quiddity at uggabugga reviews the journalistic scholarship practiced by Time's Jay Carney.

Wow, I am tres impressed with Salvage at Hairy Fish Nuts. How long did it take him to compile so much idiocy in one space? And how did he do it without going completely mad?

Heh. TBogg bears witness to the rapid-fire enlistments over at We Win, They Lose.  I'm proud to report that I was #511.

Roger Ailes mourns the loss of splinter-tongued editorial writer James Lileks. 

Adam Felber at Fanatical Apathy provides a teaser from the screenplay of "When Condi Met Manouhcher." 

The fabulous David Ehrenstein gooses the "pro-family" movement in Italy.

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NYC-based aquatic feline that likes long walks on the beach, illuminating the hypocrisies of "family values" Republicans, and engaging in snarling snarkitude.