please turn out the lights
Not only has George Bush made Republicans unpopular in the United States, he’s also done great damage to Christianity:
Let us pray that, on next year’s National Day of Prayer, there is better attendance at the “Bible Reading Marathon” on the West Front of the Capitol.
Organizers put out 600 folding chairs on the lawn — the spot where presidents are inaugurated — and set up a huge stage with powerful amplifiers. But at 9:30 a.m. yesterday, not one of the 600 seats was occupied. By 11 a.m., as a woman read a passage from Revelations, attendance had grown — to four people. Finally, at 1 p.m., 37 of the 600 seats were occupied, though many of those people were tourists eating lunch.
Where was everybody?
“This isn’t that kind of event,” explained Jeff Gannon, spokesman for the host, the International Bible Reading Association. Gannon, actually a pseudonym for James Guckert, had earned fame in 2005 representing a conservative Web site at White House briefings until it was revealed that he posted nude pictures of himself on the Web to offer his services as a $200-an-hour gay escort.
We’ll disregard the whole Jeff Gannon thing except to note that the most of the six hundred Buy One Blowjob and the Second One is Free coupons he had printed up went undistributed, but we will point out that when given a National Day of Prayer in order to Celebrate the Gifts that He has Bestowed Upon Us as His Chosen Country…nobody showed up. Normally I said that attendance would have been better if they made the National Day of Prayer into the National Three-Day Weekened of Prayer but then everyone would just lay around the house and watch Law & Order marathons or maybe go to the park to barbecue and there would also be a NASCAR race (Pray I Don’t Crash and Burn 500) where people would drink beer and yell “aaaaoooo!” and wave Confederate flags. Just like Christmas.
Needless to say this just goes to show you that you can’t make people pray if they don’t want to. Which is why we should force kids to do it in the classroom, or at least until they’re old enough to drink beer and yell “aaaaooooo”…
Thanks to billyD in the comments.