Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
But no lesbians please, because we are straight“Nobody wants to see you two naked together so just give it up, okay?”
When we last left flaming “heterosexual” Kevin McCullough he was waving “lil Kevin” at the lesbians and taunting them because, although he is “heavy with seed”, he isn’t sharing until they agree to accept the dominion of man. And make him a sandwich while they’re at it.
This week, after spending hours pouring through several volumes of People magazine and watching countless hours of E!, he takes up the cause of straight men everywhere by fighting the nubilecinematiclesbofascists that would force us to watch Keira Knightley and Lindsay Lohan have sex while NUDE!!1! in a movie. No. Really:
Another story hit the headlines this week but did not get the graphic portrayal of the Baldwin case on cable, radio, and gossip pages on the internet.
It was a small story about a split between actresses Lindsay Lohan and Keira Knightley. They had been working on a film together in London when Lohan, for unexplained reasons, quit the project. The film was to begin shooting in early May. It was also reported that Knightley’s mother Sharman McDonald became furious at Lohan’s exit. McDonald – Knightley’s mother – had written the screenplay.
The hook that had been used to stir up interest in the project had been the fact that McDonald – Knightley’s mother – had written into the script multiple love scenes, nude ones that involved Lohan and Knightley (her daughter.)
With Lohan exiting the scene the project would be delayed and thus it would cost more money to complete and the profit margins for those involved go down.
(We will stop here and point out that the last sentence above didn’t say what you thought it said, and that you are a total perv)
But back to our story…
Great Googly Russ Meyers! What kind of movie must this be? Somethong Wicked This Way Comes? or I Know What You Did in the Wet Seal Dressing Room?
Eh, not really:
Keira Knightley and Lindsay Lohan have fallen out after the 20-year-old American actress pulled out of Keira’s new film The Best Time Of Our Lives, a dramatic biopic of Welsh bard Dylan Thomas.
According to sources on set Lohan, right, who has just finished a spell in rehab, quit days before filming was due to start.
Keira, left, whose mother Sharman Macdonald wrote the screenplay, is said to be ‘furious’ because she was instrumental in getting the Mean Girls star to play Thomas’s wife Caitlin MacNamara.
The film tells the story of William Killick, who tried to kill Thomas because he believed he was having an affair with his wife, Vera, played by Keira.
Movie insiders predicted a box office hit because of the lesbian love scenes between Keira and Lindsay, who were also due to film a steamy threesome with the poet, played by Matthew Rhys.
So Knightley’s crafty mom is trying to slip a little lass-on-lass action by us under the cover of some psuedo-Merchant/Ivory arthouse porn? That bitch! Well, thank all that is holy that a sensible level-headed lass like Lindsay Lohan has stood up and said, “No! No, I will not be a part of your plot to promote your lesbian agenda in a film about infidelity and art and poetry. And need I point out that poetry is part of the gay agenda? Well it is! And you want me to be part and parcel to this? I think not!”