Wave the white flag. We’re already beat:

Later this month I’m heading back to the mother country. Now, as I am a rich ethnic cocktail — Jewish, Lithuanian, Scottish, German, with probably some Polish or Ukrainian in there as well — you might think I mean any number of places (and if you’re one of my many Jewphobic readers, you might think I mean Israel). But I mean jolly England — the headliner in the tag-team effort that is the Anglo-American tradition. I am an Anglophile, and I look to ol’ Blighty as the wiser Romans surely looked upon the Greeks: as the fons et origo of our grand civilization.

I’m jumping the pond to partake in a debate at the Oxford Union on one of the most pressing issues facing the world today. Formally presented, it is: “This house regrets the founding of the United States of America.”

I guess it would be fair to say that the US is pretty much playing the Washington Generals to England’s Harlem Globetrotters when, after 400 years since the founding of Jamestown, the best we have to offer in a debate is someone who will point out that America is responsible for cheese in a can that you can shoot directly into your mouth.

Later the debate will devolve into Battlestar Galactica vs. Dr Who and God will regret the founding of Earth.