Face the Snark – I Believe in My Mind Edition
The List Keeper testifies before the Senate Judiciary Committee.
for the week ending 3/31/07:
Dr. Egon Spengler: Vinz, you said before you were waiting for a sign. What sign are you waiting for?
Louis: Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!
Behold! I am Ky-yul, the Keeper of the Lists, Aggregator of the Information! Bow down before my Lower Right Hand Drawer Drop File and despair! I can create your career as a United States Attorney and I can destroy it with a mere stroke of my pen! All-powerful is my resemblance to my master, the Traveler (you know him in his earthly pre-chosen form, "Rove")! Mighty is my power to aggregate information from various principals and higher-ups!
You ask me if my lists are extant? Hah! Foolish mortals. I am the Keeper of the Lists, Aggregator of the Information! I am not so puny and weak-minded that I keep lists in their corporeal form! Merely by melding telepathically with my Lower Right Hand Drawer Drop File, I can tell you . . if I so choose . . . who is on the list and who is not! My filing skills are so much more advanced than the one you call "Schumer" or the one called "Leahy" or even the one called "Feinstein" could ever hope to acquire! You are insolent Democrat humans, you who cannot comprehend my mighty aggregation abilities!
Am I a god? No, I am more than a god — I am a shining exemplar of Republican cronyism, disciple of Hatch and the Traveler, the one known to you also as "Turdblossom"! Males of your species quail in fear at my ferocious list-keeping skills; females worship my seductively cunning ability to speak around questions from impertinent former prosecutors! Lo, the one you call "Whitehouse" will rue the day he dared to try to outsmart me, to shame me, to humble me, as if my trial experience were even remotedly related to my ability to ordain who possesses the qualifications for a United States Attorney! The Traveler will destroy him, just as he did the one named "Kerry"! And then you shall all know the pain of your political inferiority!!!
Yeah, it's true. Everything's a movie reference with me. I'm just shallow that way.
Onward. Oh, and happy April Fool's Day.
Roger Ailes (the sane one) questions the judgment of an Attorney General who has Tracy Flick as a senior adviser. Then again, when your Attorney General has, according to Travis G. at Sadly, No!, Judge Reinhold for a dad, you know you're in trouble. But, as Heywood J. at Hammer of the Blogs points out, we have a President who behaves like an angry toddler, so it only makes sense.
Spork_Incident made me spew coffee on my computer. Spork_Incident owes me a new laptop.
Sandy Underpants at The Aristocrats asks the question that is foremost on every normal person's mind regarding Abugate.
Episode 36, in which Thers at Whiskey Fire waxes poetical about the 101st Keyboard Kommandos.
Badtux the Snarky Penguin alerts us to the fact that Rick Santorum is making a movie about those cuckoo jihadis! Looks like somebody is trying to duplicate Al Gore's success…
The Editors at Poor Man Institute eviscerates Jonah Goldberg. It is the most delectable fisking of his bullshit I've seen.
Pony Boy over at First Draft had a field day this week, what with Dana Peroxide stepping in to fill Tony Snow's shoes. But once again, it's the Preznit speechifying in front of the Cattlemen's Association that wins the prize.
A Blog Named Sue's dan thinks that CAT scans are in order for the Republican administration. Could it be something in the water?
Ah, the Chocolate Jesus Incident. If anyone was going to handle this debacle tastefully, it would be Jesus' General.
A Colbert '08 bumper sticked was spotted in Town Called Dobson. (No, not THAT Dobson.)