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Sara Wheeler… wow what a bitch!

Admittedly, the title to this diary is petty.  However selfish gay people who screw over their former partners in child custody battles bring out the petty in me.  And when they are prepared to screw over every innocent gay bystander as part of their temper tantrum… well it doesn’t really bring out the best in me.

So here is the story: 

Wheeler, 36, and her partner, Missy, decided to start a family together and share the Wheeler last name. In 2000, Sara Wheeler gave birth to a son, Gavin, through artificial insemination. Two years later, they decided Missy Wheeler should adopt the child and legally become his second parent.

Georgia law doesn’t specifically say whether gay parents can adopt a child, so the decision was up to a judge in the Atlanta area’s DeKalb County. After an adoption investigator determined that both partners wanted it, the judge cleared the request.

The couple’s relationship later soured. Missy Wheeler wouldn’t comment for this story, but her attorney, Nora Bushfield, said Sara became involved with someone else and wouldn’t let Missy and Gavin see each other. [sic] Sara and Missy Wheeler had split by July 2004, and Missy was fighting for joint custody of the boy.

But this isn’t just the usual child custody drama.  There is more:

Sara Wheeler made the legal argument that, since nothing in Georgia law specifically allowed adoption by gays, the adoption should be tossed out.

Her first lawyers warned her the case could set gay rights back a century.  She hired a new attorney and asked the DeKalb County court to toss the adoption that she had previously pushed for, claiming it should never have been approved because it runs afoul of state law.

Wow – what a terrible person.  I mean, you have to be a special terrible person to rip your son away from his legal and emotional parent.  And to do so by exploiting the oppression that gay people face and weilding that as a weapon against your ex?  Sara Wheeler, there is a special place in hell for you.  And I don’t even believe in hell.

People like this make me really really really angry.  When you agree to raise a child with someone, you make a committment to your partner and your child.  You committ to raising a child together, no matter your own personal bullshit.  You committ to always making sure your child has access to both of you (excepting obvious problems like abuse, neglect, etc). 

What drives me nuts are these whiney quotes where poor widdle Sara whines about how hard it is to share a child and look out for his best intersts.  Amazingly she never got the memo that having a child invalidates your ability to just do whatever the fuck you want.  So what is the arrangement that has her so vexed?

As the legal motions flew back and forth, the two women established a workable routine. The 7-year-old boy goes to Missy Wheeler’s place every other weekend and on Tuesday nights. The rest of the time Sara Wheeler ferries him to karate practice, plays tag with him outside her apartment, and takes him out for pizza every Friday.

Yes, that does say 7-year-old.  We’re talking about a 7-year-old who has known all his life that he has two moms.  At least with Isabella in the Miller-Jenkins case, the kid is 4, and hasn’t seen her other mom since she was two.  While I still find Lisa Miller’s actions morally reprehensible, there is small comfort in knowing that if Janet looses all access, Isabella won’t remember this whole horrid thing. 

But back to Sara Wheeler, who has the gaul to say:

”regardless of my action, it doesn’t make me a bad mother.” 

No actually it does make her a bad mother.  Trying to force a child away from a perfectly competant loving parent because you don’t like her anymore makes you a bad parent.  And trying to take your kid away from your ex because you don’t want to share makes you a bad person.  And throwing the entire gay community under the bus so you can have your way is psychotic and dangerous. 

I’m just thinking of the chaos that could errupt if this one gets the right conservative judge with an axe to grind against the homos.  Parent A births a child and Parent B adopted it legally in Georgia.  Parent A dies in a flaming car wreck and the kid goes into foster care or to homophobic relatives because Sara Wheeler got all gay adoptions in Georgia invalidated because she can’t fucking share.  I cannot imagine the thousands of nightmare scenarios gay couples would be forced to endure if this were to come true. Which, the article points out, is unlikely. 

And the whole thing is just insulting:

”Some people may think it’s the unthinkable, but if they were put in my shoes, they’d do the same thing.”

No, I really don’t think they would.  You have to be a special kind of person to think that no one should be able to have a gay adoption because you’re pissed about your relationship going sour.  As a bisexual woman in a relationship contemplating children, I can tell you that if my girlfriend and I were to split I would take care of my child’s best interest by fostering relationships with both of us and by respecting my ex.  And I would rather share custody of my kid then slash and burn the gay community to get my way.

This whole thing is disgusting.  Sara Wheeler’s behavior is disgusting.  The one small lining is that she hopefully will loose this last appeal.

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