CommunityPam's House Blend

A freeper is invited to a gay wedding and asks for advice

A Freeper poses this dilemma to fellow knuckledraggers:

I have a cousin whom I love, and with whom I am close. I grew up with this guy. We are both in our middle 40s. We both have gone through our teen-age years with some trouble along the way – and we both now hold good jobs. We both have done pretty well – in spite of our earlier attempts at self-destruction?..and in spite of some heavy burdens that life has thrown our way.

I was married a few months ago (my 2nd?and my last) and I invited my cousin and his “significant other” to our wedding. They flew in from Boston and my wife and I were very happy to have them here to be at our wedding.

I am very close to my cousin. I also like, and get along with, his “significant other”. My Cousin and I don’t see eye-to-eye on some things, but he did vote for Bush in 2000. And we agree on a lot of taxation and financial conservative views. He’s pretty much conservative-ish?.sort of?(not that his politics has anything to do with this issue) ?.except that he’s gay and he sent me a wedding invitation for me and my wife to come to the wedding in Massachusetts.

My Cousin knows where I stand on the Gay Marriage issue?. And my wife shares my view. Our views are not secretly held. We both think a Marriage is between a man and woman – but we both also think “civil unions” may be an option that Gay couples should be able to utilize.

The Question: Would you go to a family members Gay Wedding under a situation like this??

The answers received, many hypocritical (surprise!) are all over the map. See a few after the jump.What’s hard to stomach about some of these answers is that these same people would fight to keep marriage equality from happening, yet many say family is more important than politics and suggest the poster should attend. I think some of the bible beaters in the pulpit, needless to say, will not be happy with the level of acceptance —  when family members are out and proud, hearts and minds change, even in Freeperland. Now if only they could lay off the rest of us…

Actual Freeper Quotes
It’s your cousins life. Just go, and wish him well. Life is to short.

I would not.

If you don’t, you’ll regret it later.

Well, if you would feel uncomfortable attending – then do not attend. Invent some good pretext, express sincere regrets, and try to compensate for it by spending the money you would otherwise have spent on the travel there, towards “wedding” gift enhancement.

I would write a nice note suggesting psychiatric counseling.

I would not go but look alternative ways of letting him know he is still family but you can’t support what he is doing. Keep doors open for when he sees the light. Not sure how.

I would not. I think you’re doing the right thing in being kind to your cousin and his “significant other”, but to go to a “wedding” between two homosexuals would be to accord the event a status it simply doesn’t merit. I agree with you that marriage can only exist between a man and a woman.

No, I would not attend. I would send a present, though, and otherwise treat the folks nicely, unless provoked.

I would not go to the actual ceremony, but I would be willing to attend the reception to wish him well.

I would go. Since you have already made your views clear, there is no reason to “make a statement” by not going. Perhaps as a compromise, if you could not stand to be at the wedding, you could miss the wedding and attend the reception. That should let him know that you “hate the sin, not the sinner.”

The easy thing to do is go. The hard thing to do is to explain, with love, that to be present would be to put your stamp of approval on something you don’t believe is appropriate. Wish them well and stay in touch.

When it’s family you’re talking about, put politics to the side. It’s not as if your attendance is going to sway the issue, one way or the other. If your objection is religious, then it’s a different matter; don’t go. Maybe you can split the difference and go to the reception only, to minimize any sort of family rift.

Your attendance at the “wedding” will show support and approval of the “marriage”. I wouldn’t do it, family or otherwise.

If you are close to your cousin, yes. While I am not in favor of Gay marriage, my personal relationships trump the issue. Personally i think we have more important things to worry about.

I would not go because I would be uncomfortable, but would send a nice gift (= expensive, from Tiff’s or somewhere they would like)to show affection. Your cousin is not going to change his sexual orientation because you made it clear to him that you disapprove, so sending little messages is pointless and nonproductive.

Would you go if he was about to profess his love and commit his life to a cocker spaniel?

I agree with duckman. Family’s too important. Go, be gracious, and don’t let them see any hint of disapproval on your part, even if you’re about ready to leap out of your skin.

I kinda think I would go, and here’s why: “Family” ain’t the rest of the world. They are not the media or the politicians or anybody else.  They are the ones who stand by you no matter how bad you screwed up. And it sounds like you and this fellow are really close. If you chose to go, you can always make it clear to him before that you’re going NOT TO RECOGNIZE GAY MARRIAGE but SO THAT HE CAN REMEMBER YOU BEING THERE ON A SPECIAL DAY. JMHO.

Since he knows where you and your wife stand on the gay issue, I would go. Love and family are more important, I believe. Let him know that you don’t agree, but more importantly you love him regardless.

Yikes! Let me put it this way. If you go, imagine the company you’ll be in. How does that make you feel? I don’t think I could put myself in that position. Let me explain: Homosexuality is only definable as a sexual act. Lots of men love one another. Father/son…that sort of thing. Homosexuality is crossing the lines into depravity.

Tough question… but seeing that his ‘gayness’ hasn’t offended you enough to cut your ties with him… I guess you’re somewhat obligated to attend. You kind’a set yourself up for this.

I would not attend. I would send a gift.

First off, I’m stunned that he voted for Bush. I’d invite him to be a Freeper. IMHO, homosexuals are suffering from a lack of love. They cannot be helped by negative behavior. Go to his ceremony. If Massachusetts is arrogant enough to call this a wedding, let it be. Love. Love is why we are here. Love is what family and friends are for. Let God be in charge and support your cousin.

He knows how you feel and still invited you. Family is family. I’m a firm believer in picking your battles wisely. This shouldn’t be one of your battles IMO. Going doesn’t imply you support gay marriage, it just implies even though you don’t agree with your cousin he is still your cousin. Someone else said it and I agree – you will regret it later if you don’t. And for what it is worth, I don’t approve of gay marriage either so I have a good idea how you must feel.

I wouldn’t go. If you love your cousin, let him know how you feel about his lifestyle in a way that won’t damage your relationship, if that’s possible. You don’t appear to be comfortable with going either or you wouldn’t ask us. 🙂 I vote for not going. Send a gift though.

No, any more than I would signal my approval of any other self destructive behavior.

I’d go. Wish them well. Like someone said…life is too short. I know of gays who have married females to hide their sexuality from families, friends, etc. That’s despicable! At least your cousin is honest. I’ll bet the wedding will be fun!

I would definitely go. You have always been close to him, have obviously gone through a lot with him and seem to love him. You would not ignore his wedding if he was marrying a woman you couldn’t stand. You would grin and bear it. I’m assuming his partner is probably someone you like and even if he isn’t, grin and bear it. Don’t hurt your cousin. You can go to the ceremony and leave the reception early. Or you can find a reason to skip the ceremony and just go to the reception. But you really need to attend one or the other or both otherwise your relationship will never be the same.

No, I would not go. Evidently, your cousin doesn’t know “where you stand” on the Gay marriage issue since you invited him to your wedding. It would have confused me if you told me one thing and did another.

I wouldn’t go as I’d see my presence as condoning (at least tacitly) an abomination before God. I would keep in contact and reach out to the cousin in some other manner.

I would not attend any of my families functions that were promoting things that would would result in someone I love being separated from God forever. Life is short, but eternity in hell sure aint.

Hat tip, Peter.

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Pam Spaulding

Pam Spaulding