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The truth about the heterosexual deathstyle

This is cross-posted from my blog at Larry’s Phat Page. Enjoy the satire. It is just truly sickening these days — you just can’t go anywhere anymore without seeing immoral heterosexuals shoving their filthy lifestyle in your face. They are damaging our children with their open displays of perversion, and they must be kept as far away from children as possible so that our children are not drawn into their perverted lifestyle.

Last evening, at the Flying J truck stop in Gary, IN, I had to stop to get the truck weighed. After completing the part of the process during which the truck must sit on the scale, I pulled around in the lot, parked the truck, and walked into the building. As you approach the fuel-desk entry door of many Flying Js, you will be able to look through windows into the truckers’ lounge section, off to the side as you are facing toward the door. It was through these windows, off to my right, that I was exposed to indecent, filthy heterosexual perversion against my will: some 40- or 50-something pervert had a porn site open, and he was looking at naked women in plain view of everybody who walked by!

I turned on my CB radio after I left this Flying J, and the very first thing I hear is some comment about how some prostitute is “good to the last drop,” just like Maxwell House coffee apparently. (Of course, that probably wasn’t a drop of coffee to which this filthy heterosexual swine was referring — but because God’s gay children like me are decent and moral people, I’ll leave that to the perverted heterosexual imagination.) I mean, children can be listening to such filth on the CB! It makes you wonder where these heterosexuals will go next — child molestation? bestiality? They’re already hard at work poisoning our children’s minds with the notion that a vagina is something to look at in public on a computer screen!

I’m really sick and tired of these mentally ill heterosexuals shoving their filthy, perverted lifestyle down my throat. We must put a stop to this heterosexual agenda to corrupt America’s youth. After all, heterosexuals are well-known pedophiles — why else would they keep spitting out more kids all the time, unless they were trying to recruit children into their perverted deathstyle?

When I got on the CB myself and asked this question of several heterosexuals — why they must keep shoving their lifestyle down my throat — they wouldn’t even own up to their immoral perversions, instead blaming it all on moral, upright gay children of God. One of the filthy heterosexual hypocr-ites (didn’t God once rain fire and brimstone on an ancient city of Hypocr? wink) told me, “Well then you shouldn’t be a fag!,” while another said of me, “That ain’t no driver — that’s a queer!” as if those two were somehow mutually exclusive. I just know that these filthy heterosexuals were giggling like fifth-grade girls with every utterance of the words “fag” and “queer.”

God doesn’t approve of their perverted heterosexual lifestyle, though, and He will send each and every one of them to Hell to roast for all eternity. Let’s remember that just two years ago, God sent a little urban renewal program called Hurricane Katrina to cleanse New Orleans of all the filthy public heterosexual sex and other perverted practices displayed by heterosexuals during Mardi Gras. These deviant heterosexuals obviously didn’t get the message, though, and God’s retribution is coming to them. God will continue to make the weather in the South — the part of America that is most enamored with the perverted heterosexual deathstyle — hotter and more violent, so that these filthy heterosexuals will be well prepared for the conditions in Hell when their diseases kill them at an early age.

As God’s gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender children, we really ought to pray that these perverted heterosexuals might find Jesus in their lives. Jesus can heal the mental issues that make them blame all their problems on God’s gay children, and His love can radiate through them to all the world if they would only open their hearts to Christ. Change is possible — heterosexuals can leave that lifestyle behind and become instruments of God’s all-encompassing, unconditional love for all people.

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