If you prick me, do I not squeal?

Timothy Noah tells the entire school that Jonah is late with his book report and Jonah is all, “Dude. I have been totally busy and stuff“:

Me: Frankly, I find Tim Noah to be a bore and a fairly nasty and humorless fellow. And he’s been whining about me ever since I called him a journalistic hall monitor years ago.

But I will say this. He has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about, which he basically admits. His assertion that the book’s delayed for marketing reasons would be a flat-out lie if it weren’t flat-out conjecture. As my wife, various friends and colleagues and sundry others can attest, the book is delayed because it’s not done yet. The reasons for that have to do with any number of things (revisions, work distractions, my father’s death, the birth of my child, etc etc) and, as far as I’m aware, marketing isn’t even on the top ten. Noah, who hasn’t read it, is invested in a theory and simply imagines facts to substantiate his usual sneering schtick.

But look: If I could be done with this whole process tomorrow even if it meant releasing the book on the day after Hillary Clinton cured cancer, walked on water and saved a box of puppies from a fire I would leap at the opportunity. My book isn’t like Dinesh’s latest book. It isn’t like any Ann Coulter book. It isn’t what the Amazon description says or what the Economist claims it is. Or what Frank Rich imagines it is. It is a very serious, thoughtful, argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care. [my emphasis]

‘Oh-oh!’ Jonah thinks. ‘Did I just promise to shake the very foundations of political discourse with my bold and penetrating prose? I better get cracking….right after Battlestar Galactica and then they’re running that Simpsons Marathon on channel three and….Jesus, suddenly I’m really sleepy. I shouldn’t have eaten that whole turkey. Maybe a nap, I can Tivo BSG…Mmmmmm. Turkey…….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’