Over the past two weeks, some folks have made comments on this blog that have been hurtful to women and trans people.  We’ve seen Ann Coulter called a tranny.  We’ve seen Madeline Crabb called a cunt and a cuntess.  We’ve seen trans people told that we are hijacking gay rights, trying to be the tail that wags the dog, “T’s are somewhat annoying”, and “T’s aren’t gay and T’s aren’t lesbian.  Understand it?”

You can find the comments in these posts.

And, these folks, when called out on it, proceeded to get more and more defensive and hurtful, and then act indignent when the non-privileged people involved get increasingly angry at being slandered again and again.

Look, folks, everybody makes mistakes, and I certainly have made my share.  I am white and middle-class, and I have in the past said things, and will probably continue to say things, that range from insensitive to stupid to blatently racist and classist.  And I’ve been called on those things; the reactions have ranged from gentle reminders of my insensitivity to some very blunt and angry language, including the “fuck” word.  And you know what?  I have either apologized immediately, or withdrawn and licked my wounds (which were very minor, believe me, compared to the wounds that I and others have inflicted on poor people / people of color) and given some thought to what was said to me, and corrected myself.

But, I am also a woman and a transsexual, and I am on the receiving end of this stuff every day.

I would hope that when a commenter is called out on something, that they can stop and think about what was said, and not get defensive and give apologies where due.You know, if you disagree with me about something, or get mad at me for some reason, you can call me an idiot.  You can call me an asshole.  You can call me a fucking asshole.

And when you do that, the most you are hurting is me (and not very much, as it’s words).  Yeah, that might shut the conversation down.  I might decide to go away.

But when you call Ms. Crabb a cunt, you are not attacking her fallacious statements, you are attacking her for being a woman.  Even more importantly, you are by inference equating all women with a body part.  I would guess that when you do that, and other clueless people do that, to women over and over again, along with all the other sexist, misogynist shit that we have to put up with every single day of our lives, and then get all defensive and even more hurtful when called on it, you can expect some of us, including myself, to say things like “fuck off, asshole”.  So what if it shuts conversation down?  At this point, I don’t care – I’m tired of being slandered every day of my life.

Same thing when you call Ann Coulter a tranny.  You are equating being trans with the lowest of the low, thus slandering millions of trans, genderqueer, and gender-variant people, including myself.

And when I politely call you out for something like this, and then I am told “I do have a name for certain women like you but they are not used in polite society outside of a kennel” by someone who doesn’t even have the guts to come right out and call me a bitch, you better believe that I am going to get fucking angry.  Yeah, that’s right, I’m going to be a fucking bitch alright, and I’m not shutting up.

I’ve reviewed the posts in question, and in most cases, the initial comments (some mine, some from others) were pretty restrained – angry, yes, but that is understandable, given what I’ve discussed above.  And yes, one allyof trans people did get pretty hot in response, but I guess she was getting pretty damned sick of seing trans people (and women) slandered like this over and over again.

You want to attack Coulter, Crabb, and other reichwingers?  Then attack their positions and their statements.  And if you do get angry at these people – something that is very understandable – then just think for a moment about the words that you use, and whether you are hurting others – intentionally or unintentionally – by the words you use.  And if you get called on it, take to time to think about what the other person is saying – they are the ones who are oppressed, they know best what oppression looks like.

Because if you don’t, and you get defensive, and continue to hurt and hurt, yes, I will be a bitch.  You better believe it.

And, Radical Russ, this goes for you, too…you throw around the bitch-word just a bit too much, and get just a little too free with the misogynist language.

Yeah, that’s it, bitch!  Take it!  Take it all!  Yeah, you like that, don’t you?  You like your dirty little throat crammed full of my throbbing rock hard gay agenda, don’t you?

I’m calling you out by name, as you are a guest blogger here, and not just a commenter.  I respect your position here and your accomplisments in the blogosphere, but I can’t give you a pass on this.




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