Face the Snark
"It's hard out here for a gimp."
for the week ending 2/10/07:
I love weeks like this, wherein the wafer-thin skin of the media is peeled back so we can finally bear witness to the fact that the beast's vital organs have either (1) atrophied beyond repair, (2) been replaced with cocktail weenies, or (3) gone missing altogether. Oh, the bilious scent of MSM viscera spilling forth onto the courtroom floor, as Punkinhead Russert admitted under oath in the Libby trial that he, and through guilt by association, the Beltway He-Men Fact Haters Club, is 100% integrity-free. Tell me, oh wise men of Washington, in what kind of alternate universe does a reporter (even an otherwise gelded talking head such as Timmeh) assert that all conversations with D.C. muckety mucks are "off the record" unless specified otherwise? What freakin' J School did you people attend?
We also learned that Cheney's human hunting blind, Mary Matalin, got into a catfight with the dried apple head in a cowboy hat, Don Imus, about her relationship with the Scootmeister. Woe is poor Tweety, the monkey in the middle of all of this. Not that it dampened his spirits any – he was so happy to hear his name come up time and again during the testimony that I feared he might burst into song, Bollywood style, on "Hardball."
In the midst off all the revelations of BushCo.'s manipulation of the news, the painfully oblivious media community showed us its "O" face with the week's bread and circuses. Was it really necessary to provide wall-to-wall coverage of the death of famous-for-being-famous Anna Nicole Smith, the sorry tale of a lovestruck, jealous, and unhinged astronaut, the story with no "there" there — Nancy Pelosi's flight security, and the presumptuous, galling dictates of Catholic League president William Donohue? Y'know, there's a war on and another one in the offing.
And while the masses were distracted by the mating habits of Anna Nicole and Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband (um, TMI?), Bush trotted out his latest hired hand, Robert Gates, who nimbly picked up where Donald Rumsfeld left off — to beat the war drums signaling the administration's run-up to an attack on Iran. Deja vu all over again. Chandra Levy, anyone?
Dedalus at Blah3 is shocked to learn of Anna Nicole Smith's demise. Wonkette, however, smells a cover-up. Attaturk at Rising Hegemon thanks CNN for telling him how to feel about this loss of this generation's Marilyn Monroe (?!?!?), while Rogers at Kung Fu Monkey tries to cut CNN's mic.
Lest we forget, there was another reason for the media outlets to get their panties moist last week: space diapers. Heywood J. at Hammer of the Blogs provides a list of astronaut Lisa Nowak's excuses for her behavior.
d at Lawyers, Guns and Money establishes that Michelle Malkin doesn't have the acting chops of, say, Pammy at Atlas Jugg . . . Shrugs. TBogg documents Michelle Malkin's ascendancy to the Wingnut Queen's throne. Poor Mann Coulter, cast aside like last week's well-used adult diaper. And Kerry at 100 Monkeys Typing grosses me out with his mildly pornographic "Closeup: Malkin". Thanks, Kerry. I'm blind now.
It's been four years since Colin Powell went before the U.N. to "prove" that Sadam had WMDs. And what if we'd waited another four years? George at Old Fashioned Patriot keeps score of the War on Terrrrrrrrrrr.
Over at The Poor Man Institute, there's more shock and awe about Mike Allen's mad investigative journalistic skillz, yo.
Gavin M. at Sadly, No! has a photoshop job that makes me weep. The rest of the post doesn't suck, either.
World O' Crap's s.z. critiques the latest compendium of narrow-minded, right-wing assclownism.
Norbizness has formed an apathetically exciting new organization. I must submit my resume forthwith.
d r i f t g l a s s goes on an archaeological dig.
Salvage at Hairy Fish Nuts asks the 64 billion dollar question. Y'know, the one that Congress should have asked from the get-go.
A Perfectly Cromulent Blog's Pete is . . . skeptical . . . of Ted Haggard's completely faaaaabulous heterosexuality. Commandante Agi pinching hitting over at Agitprop joins in on the rehab revolution.
Steve M. at No More Mister Nice Blog goes all, like, "Ew! Ick!" at the Giuliani candidacy.
And finally, I want to wish my favorite reader, my mother, a very happy birthday! You ROOOOL, Mom!