The fastest ex-gay conversion ever — no three-to-five years of godly, clean men inserting  themselves into his life to help him pray away the gay. Are you convinced?

The Rev. Ted Haggard emerged from three weeks of intensive counseling convinced he is “completely heterosexual” and told an oversight board that his sexual contact with men was limited to his accuser.

That is according to one of the disgraced pastor’s overseers, who on Monday revealed new details about where Haggard has been and where he is headed. Haggard is being asked to join a church wherever the couple moves and continue the Christian counseling he receives twice a week, Ralph said.

…The oversight board that includes Ralph is focusing on New Life Church’s future but continues to counsel Haggard.

What has been termed Haggard’s “restoration” is being overseen by another panel: H.B. London, who runs a Focus on the Family ministry to pastors, and megachurch pastors Tommy Barnett and Jack Hayford.

One of his counselors bragged that: “He is completely heterosexual…That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn’t a constant thing.”

As Blender KT said: “He’s not gay (though he still has no explanation for why he sought out a MALE prostitute). Sure. And pigs can fly.”

Well, he could be bisexual, but he also ruled that out in his definitive e-statement on the matter. As long as the man has access to the hallowed internets, his fingers will probably do the walking to “forbidden areas” when wifey’s fast asleep. After all, he’s getting his psych degree online. He’ll be studying, you know.

More from Andy at Towleroad.

Related:
* Ted Haggard, future therapist