Face the Snark
for the week ending 2/3/07:
What a week! Not only did the Right Honorable Frogbanger Stuftcrotch give yet another annual speech on some fictional country's economy, but he sat down with Nice Polite Republicans to vomit more tired talking points in the lap of the fawning Juan Williams. Emperor Bunnypants also got dissed at a heartland diner meet-and-greet, and tried to run down the press corps with a bulldozer. No, not too much symbolism there. Note: At least he didn't use the forklift.*
Boston had an Oscar®-worthy freakout over promotional displays of two misanthropic cartoon characters from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force". Yes, Err and Ignignokt, rendered on Lite Brite pegboards, were spotted flipping the bird at passers-by. Lite Brite, people. You know, the toy you always lusted after when you were a kid — "Lite Brite, makin' things with light!" Oh, sure, it's perfectly understandable that somebody might imagine a sleeper cell of terrorists, probably clad in Brak Show t-shirts, arguing over Meatwad's obsessions with boy bands and "da shorteez" while they sift through tiny, colored, transparent pegs to stick into chunks of C-4. And honestly, if the terrorists had any sense of irony at all, they would have made the bombs in the image of Master Shake, the ATHF character that shares the same sadistic predelictions as a certain President we all know and loathe. Geez, ease up on the caffeine and repeats of "24", Boston. Nine other cities didn't seem to be especially bothered by the advertising stunt. (By the way, I understand Turner Broadcasting is being represented by Harvey Birdman, attorney at law.)
And yes, of course, the Libby trial kicked out the jams Perry Mason-style, with witnesses for the prosecution straight out of Central Casting. Dabbing daintily at her watering eyes, Judith Miller stabbed Scooter Libby in the back with an aspen branch, Ari Fleischer got so testy that I wondered if the defense was actually cross-examining him on his Target wedding registry, and FBI agent Deborah Bond (licensed to spill!) implicated that pernicious old gasbag Dick Cheney with her testimony. All this in just the
first second week! [Ed. note: time flies.]
Mary Cheney attended a Glamour Magazine-sponsored event (Cheney? Glamour? Um, no.) to continue her game of "Pin the Rationalization on the Pregnant Republican Lesbian" when she proclaimed that her pregnancy was "a blessing from God. It is not a political statement. It is not a prop to be used in a debate by people on either side of an issue." Mmm-hmmm. Until it's politically expedient for you to support your dad and his posse hatin' on the gays some more. But you'll always be a clean, articulate lesbian to Joe Biden.
Oh, and two more signs of the Apolcalypse: Laura Bush attended Fashion Week in New York City, and Dick Cheney turned 66 on January 30th. One more "6" and his true name would have been revealed, thus signaling the end the world as we know it. We were thiiiiis close, my friends.
*A shout out to all the MST3K fans out there.
I'm with Susie at Suburban Guerilla on this one. No, seriously. Makes me laugh every. single. time. Skippy the Bush Kangaroo explains . . . as if any additional explanation is needed. Nitpicker and Jesus' General check in with the Basement Patriots for their reactions to the "hoax bombs".
Oh, snap! State of the Day's Creature sums up Bush's latest road trip as a study in juxtapositions.
TBogg flushes out the effluvia that serves as Dean Esmay's brain. And from the annals of "Shit You Can't Believe Someone Got Paid to Research," the General reports in on Bush's latest brainstorm on how to stop global warming. Paging Rube Goldberg…
And speaking of governmental imbeciles, watch d r i f t g l a s s tinker with Oliver Wendell Holmes to great effect.
RMJ at Adventus instructs "Wan" Williams how to conduct an interview with the President.
Chris "Tweety" Matthews discusses "amazing prostitutes" and pink sheets. All this via Somerby at The Daily Howler.
Steve M. at No More Mister Nice Blog notes rather drily that Bush has . . . coughed up . . . approximately 1.3% of what he promised to help NYC rescue workers. Oh, puhleeze. As if he's actually going to come through with the money. Whiskey Fire's Thers asks President Bush "what the hell is taking you so long?"
The 2006 Kippie and the Golden Wingnut honors have been awarded, presented, as always, by The Poor Man Institute.
Tune in for the latest installment of Blog Wars, in which The Heretik spells out the rules regarding any and all discussion of U.S. troops in Iraq and the rest of the galaxy.
Tata at Poor Impulse Control writes to the schnorrers at NBC's New York City affiliate WNBC regarding the "Bloggers Summit" that a few of us attended last Wednesday night over at 30 Rock. But Tata, they gave us baseball caps! Looks like it's time for another bloggers ethics panel…
D. Aristophanes at Sadly, No! explains it one . . . more . . . time to Malkin and her sergeant-at-arms, Bryan Preston, that yes, Virginia, facts DO matter.
Copernicus was wrong, according to Howard Kurtz. Roger Ailes has the deets.
Rising Hegemon's Attaturk advises Tsarina Anastasia to get out while she can.
What Jill at Brilliant at Breakfast says. Hey, but it's the Super Bowl, and wouldn't your mother LOVE a big screen TV!
Oh, and for those of you who don't have the time to sit around refreshing your computers every 15 minutes during the Libby trial livebloggingathon, Norbiz at Happy Furry Puppy Story Time has the abbreviated version.