Face the Snark
for the week ending 1/27/07:
August 30, 2006 The congressional candidate [Michele Bachman] weighs in on the visit from President Bush with Jason Lewis on KTLK-FM (100.3). First she notes that Dubya is an "awesome date," before adding, "He's so buff. He's like you, Jason, he has 1 percent body fat."
1/20/07 — Dear Diary:
Ohmigod! The State of the Union speech is in, like, THREE days! I still haven't decided what to wear, although I've already called dibs on an aisle seat. Marcus tells me I'm being silly, but then again, Marcus is too busy spending time down at the health club sauna rooms deprogramming those terrible homosexuals. He won't even help me pick out a pants suit for this party! Ohmigod, George Bush in PERSON! In THREE DAYS! I can't believe it! I hope this SOTU is as exciting as his last one was. Heavens, when he speaks in that wonderful cowboy accent, I just swoon.
1/21/07 — Dear Diary:
God woke me up this morning and told me to wear something ivory-colored on Tuesday night. I think I know just the outfit. Now what to do about jewelry? I can't ask Marcus – he's sound asleep after last night's session of making homosexuals ungay at those evil nightclubs in St. Paul. I wonder if God will speak to me (I mean, The Father, not studmuffin George Bush!) before the speech like he did when he told me to cast my vote to eradicate the minimum wage. I wonder if I have time to get another botox shot before the show. I have to look my very best for the President! Ohmigod, when I saw those photos of Bush in his running shorts, I felt faint!
Oh, and Son #4 failed shop class. Marcus is going to have to have a talk with him about how it's not very Christian to prefer home economics to shop.
1/22/07 — Dear Diary:
IT'S TOMORROW! I quarreled with Marcus this morning because he told me to wear that horrid magenta suit he bought me last week, while God told me to wear ivory. Sorry, Marcus, but God wins this fight. And he won't talk to Son #4 about his bad grades. He says it's God's Will that the boy is all thumbs around the lathe. Oh well, so much for this year's prize at the church fair. #4 is such a disappointment to me.
But I will be seeing the President tomorrow night, and that really makes me tingle! I wonder if I can have a private chat with George, and remind him of our custard-sharing moment last summer. Oh, he is sooooo dreamy and macho! Marcus swears he doesn't know how my framed photo of the President in his flightsuit wound up in his closet. It's probably the cleaning lady's fault.
1/23/07 – Dear Diary:
I can't believe I kissed the President. I KISSED George Bush — and he KISSED me back! Oh, I could see the love in his eyes as he turned to face me after that evil black person distracted him before our embrace. And that old cow who kept talking to him even though I could see how much he ached to have a private moment with me! But I felt his muscular shoulders with my very own hands, and God kept him standing there for my eyes to drink in. Oh, I am the luckiest woman in the world right now!
And what I relief that I stood my ground about the magenta suit. That horrid First Lady showed up in the very same outfit!
[More info about the delightful Ms. Bachman here.]
Agitprop's Blogenfreude once again rounds up the right-wing crazies. Such stamina…
Kerry at 100 Monkeys Typing notes that Bush is on track to meet his political capital expenditures. WTF Is It Now??'s Maru the Crankpot finds additional evidence that it's time to cart Poppy Bush off to the old folks' home.
Rising Hegemon's Attaturk nominates Jonah Goldberg for stupidest pundit in the universe. Spork_Incident at the eponymous A Spork in the Drawer finds it difficult to believe that Le Pantload du Dough is so blunt-skulled to get the reference in a pop culture reference. P O'Neill at Best of Both Worlds highlights some of the Pantload's finest racist douchebaggery, with a hat tip to the white supremacist rantings of Mark Steyn. First Draft's Holden provides the photographic evidence to substantiate all of these claims.
I'm with Roy at alicublog. Enough with the Iraq/sports analogies. This is war, not a game.
The Booman Tribune's Steven D sees a vague resemblance between the work ethics of the "sovereign" Iraqi government and Congressional Republicans.
Brad DeLong takes a baseball bat to Dana Milbank's smarmy analysis of the revelations that resident Punkinhead and White house lie-regurgitator Timmeh Russert is Cheney's lapdog.
Uh-oh. Steve O. at Bring It On! identifies the main reason why we're going to invade Iran.
Jill at Feministe finds a survey for "modest" males looking to save their souls from the vile grasp of women. Judging from the results, women are at their best when immobile, and breathing very, very shallowly. TBogg tackles the latest "abstinence-only" wingnut with a porn star's sobriquet: Dawn Eden. The HELL? Meanwhile, our Lady of Perpetual Persecution, Sister Nancy Beth Eczema at Edicts of Nancy, bemoans the availability of birth control in the United States.
Richie McWhite at Little Green Fascists rushes to poor, browbeaten Dick Cheney's defense.
Roger Ailes has a very dirty mind.
Travis G. at Sadly, No! channels Harold Pinter and Eugene Ionesco. BTW, congratulations to S, N!'s Retardo Montalban for coming up with an equally hysterical new pseudonym: HTML Mencken. Er…at least I think they're the same person…
And shameless plug du jour: Have you seen Eli's spiffy new digs?