To the Commissioners of the Federal Communications Commission:

I am watching the Eagles / Saints playoff football game on my local FOX affiliate, KPTV 12, in Portland, Oregon.

During a moment between plays, the camera focused on a very attractive young blonde woman in a crop-top t-shirt.  She raised her arms above her head as she cheered for the hometown New Orleans Saints.

I was not offended by her display, but then I saw the words emblazoned in gold on her black t-shirt:

F*CK DA EAGLES

For modesty’s sake, I have inserted an asterisk where the letter “U” should appear.  I was offended to the core and shocked as I hurried to cover my young children’s eyes.  My offense only heightened as I rewound the scene on my TiVo device and freeze-framed the offending scene (just to confirm my eyes hadn’t played tricks on me).  Let me tell you, it was difficult to cover the eyes of both of my young children as I rewound and replayed the scene of the beautiful smiling young blonde woman, bouncing with glee, unrestrained (it would appear upon slow-motion replay) by the unforgiving yoke of a brassiere.

I therefore demand that you, the FCC, now perform your statutory duty and fine FOX television, NewsCorp, and Rupert Murdoch for violation of obscenity and decency laws.  As you are well aware, the fine for such violations is $500,000 per incident per affiliate that broadcast the offensive content.  Since this was a nationally telecast NFL playoff football contest, I’m sure that amounts to a pretty hefty fine.

Somewhat Sincerely Yours,

Rev. Hugh Jardon
Supreme Righteous Director,
People for the American Family Way and God and The Bible and Stuff (PAFWAGATBAS)