Face the Snark
For the week ending 12/30:
Even though I'm an obsessive list maker, I'm staunchly opposed to New Year's resolutions. I don't need the constant reminder of all the objectives I haven't achieved by year's end, although that type of failed behavior didn't seem to keep the 109th Congress or the Bush Administration up at night.
As P ONeill at Best of Both Worlds states:
As if to affirm that George Bush's view that a war is won once you want to win, where others would have viewed New Year's Resolutions as involving weight loss, career goals, and self-improvement, he offers this —
People always ask me about a New Year's resolution — my resolution is, is that they'll [the troops] be safe and that we'll come closer to our objective, that we'll be able to help this young democracy survive and thrive and, therefore, we'll be writing a chapter of peace.
It must be the case that with no personal failings to address, his resolutions involve the rest of the world rising to his level.
So instead of New Year's resolutions, I'm going to give you my utterly useless predictions for 2007. Pop open that champagne and start drinking now!
1. A White House wedding by the end of the year. The groom will be Paraguayan. The bride will just be starting to show. Dick Cheney will carry the shotgun.
2. Mary Cheney will name her baby Wittington, even if it's a girl.
3. Donald Trump will exploit a personal feud with a celebrity for publicity purposes.
4. James Dobson will admit to a sexual dalliance with a Chippendale's dancer in Vegas.
5. Nicole Richie will be hired as the spokesperson for Weight Watchers.
6. The Chicago Cubs will not win the World Series.
7. George W. Bush will declare war on Andorra because he had to cut his vacation short to attend Charlton Heston's funeral.
8. Denny Hastert will be offered a wafer-thin mint by the manager at the Aurora, Illinois Old Country Buffet and will explode.
9. Bob Ney will brandish a radical set of prison tattoos for the 2008 "Republican Prison Studs" calendar.
10. Congress will pass legislation funding the Nixon/Ford Memorial. Tentative designs include Ford and Nixon ascending to heaven hand in hand as haloed angels, Nixon and Ford stemming the tide of Communism, and Ford on his knees in front of Nixon.
11. Condi Rice will be spotted shopping at Toys in Babeland™, a NYC-based adult "novelty" shop. The photographer who captures the moment on film will be disappeared to Gitmo.
12. John McCain and Joe Lieberman will announce their Presidential/Vice-Presidential candidacy on the Unity' 08 ticket. They will have to give press conferences at separate locations, because they won't be able to fit both egos into one room.
13. We'll still be entrenched in the evil clown show that is the Iraq war.
But seriously, folks. I wish you all a happy and healthy New Year. May 2007 be . . . well, considerably different from the last six years.
So we killed Saddam Hussein. Yay for us. Or, as James Wolcott says,
Watching the cable news coverage of Hussein's execution–well, I haven't been able to stand too much of it. The young weekend anchors at CNN are so clearly out of their depth dealing with something of this magnitude, and all three cable news outfits keep flirting with how much of the hanging footage they're willing to show, teasing viewers along until the cutaway or freeze. . . .This is how we do it in America, the coverage will say: big, bright, and beautifully orchestrated. It's as if we're trying to soothe ourselves into believing that we're still the country we used to be, that's there's a higher seamlessness to American life undisturbed by the staccato rhythms of bad news. What happens in Iraq stays in Iraq. A flag-draped coffin is acceptable viewing only if a dead president is inside.
Larry Johnson at Booman Tribune provides the best rant this side of Josh Marshall on why the execution of Saddam Hussein shows the world that we have no compunction about installing kangaroo courts in the sham democracies we establish. Jill at Brilliant at Breakfast has this to say about Hussein's hanging:
Who else but a couple of sick fucks like Bush and Cheney could think of the concept of "being hanged respectfully." I don't know about you, but there's a big gaping hole in the back of my head where my cranium exploded. It does that when faced with this kind of laughable horseshit.
Holden at First Draft provides us with the White House version of "a stranger is a friend you haven't met."
A Perfectly Cromulent Blog's Pete scratches his head at the deification of Gerald Ford. Oliver Willis agrees. The Heretik looks fondly back on the rise of the Cheney/Rumsfeld tag team of Doom, thanks to Ford. And s.z. at World O' Crap fondly recollects the salad days of the Ford Administration.
D r i f t g l a s s storyboards Sot of the Arctic and its sequel, Sot of Mesopotamia.
Gavin M. at Sadly, No! collects all the rightwing sociopathy in one place, for your reading convenience!
And Upyernoz at Rubber Hose takes a look back at a day in the life of Chad Vader.
P.S. Congratulations, George. You reached the 3,000 mark today, you bastard.