Face the Snark, Holiday Edition.
Santa reads out the indictments against the Bush crime family.
For the week ending 12/23:
T'was the night before Christmas and throughout Cellblock A,
Not an inmate was stirring, not even Bob Ney.
The jail guards on duty watched their screens with one eye
As Jack Abramoff tossed in his bunk with a sigh.
Over at the White House, George Bush slumped in his chair
And stared at the trees blooming in warm winter air.
A bottle of Jack sat on the desk by his hand
He wondered why nothing had gone like they'd planned.
Upstairs, Laura lay in the First Couple's bed
And watched the sugar plum fairies dance 'round her head.
Jenna and her sis drank their way through the night
And scoffed at the thought that they should join in Dad's fight.
At the Veep's house, Darth Cheney fondled his nub
And growled lustfully at all the cash in his tub.
Lynne was still steamed at how the news had made hay
That her lesbian daughter was in the family way.
Rumsfeld slept soundly despite the Iraq folly
His first speaking fee gaining interest, by golly.
So a few thousand soldiers had given their lives
This is how a messy new democracy thrives.
No campaign in her future, just more of the same,
Where her "husband" fucked up and she took the blame.
Condi sat at her piano and longed for the day
She returned to Stanford and could be openly gay.
What happened to their plan, the one now deceased?
Where they'd control all the oil in the Middle East?
The one where the military industrial complex thrives
While it destroys countless American lives?
You see, the giant had woken; a disturbance was heard
Somewhere over by Constitution and Third.
A woman "dressed in Armani" had taken the helm
And proposed some big changes in King George's realm.
A quick glance at some video and you got the gist
America had grown tired of Bill "Cat-Killer" Frist.
Voters refused to re-elect someone so dumb
As self-righteous git, Senator Rick Santorum.
A giddiness coursed through the globe's hemispheres
For a return to good government soon would be here!
Six long, painful years the world had suffered the crimes
Of a President who claims to believe in End Times.
But now is not the time to ease up on Dim Son.
Real change still needs to come out of Washington.
Sure, the Chimperor speaks of bipartisanship
But his word is as good as three week-old spinach dip.
The media, as well, must be made to account,
While the numbers of dead continue to mount.
Like eager freshmen donning their Rush Week beanies
Pundits sacrifice truth for their damned cocktail weenies.
Now right-wing nutjobs frantically scramble to find
A new bugaboo they can all get behind.
A Muslim American sworn in on a Koran?
My god, what will come next? We all move to Iran?
So go K.O., go Fitzy, go Media Matters!
Keep up the pressure on all these Mad Hatters.
On A-list, on B-list, and C-Z list bloggers
Fingers fleet like the feet of Riverdance cloggers.
One of these days we'll finally be able to shout
We worked as a team to kick the criminals out.
So those of you still doubting, be of good cheer.
The Internets, The Google, and Youtube are here.
A cynical optimist, I cling to the hope
That idiots hang themselves when given the rope.
That these villainous fiends who spread war like the plague
Will all wind up shackled in the dock at The Hague.
Happy Holidays to all and peace to the world. And as soon as possible, please.
End of the year press conference anyone? Quiddity at uggabugga questions the sanity of a President whose only advice to the American people is "go shopping" as WTF Is It Now?'s Maru the Crankpot contemplates the wisdom of sending more troops to Iraq.
Watch in horror as The Rude Pundit's head explodes while he tries to decipher the President's year-end press conference.
Morse at Media Needle provides the true graphic representation of Bush's press ramblings.
No, Jill, you're not alone. I've been saying for some time that Bush is a madman. More proof at Brilliant at Breakfast.
And as usual, Norbizness (spelled right this time) provides the real context of this week's Presidential babelfest. Spiiderweb™ took notice of a glaring detail I certainly missed in this week's presser. Irony, thy name is Emperor C+ Augustus. (FSM bless Charles Pierce for that moniker.)
And you thought dinosaurs had tiny brains? They didn't have anything on Virgil Goode. Thers at Whiskey Fire pens an ode to the pebble-brained bigot.
Commandante Agi at The Defeatists is pretty pissed off about the moral relativity of George Bush's murder spree.
And it's not because we're in blogger cahoots, but I think Attaturk at Rising Hegemon has struck gold with this latest idea for scam spam. Koufax-worthy.
Y'know, in my weaker moments, I think that sometimes we pick on K-Lo too much. And then TBogg reminds me that she really is a fucking idiot.
Dohiyi Mir's NTodd doles out coal for the neocons' stockings. Only problem is that they love coal.
We've all been waiting with bated breath to see the Chosen design for the George W. Bush Library. And its architect, General J.C. Christian, has not failed to deliver. You can see the plans and descriptions here and here.
The Poor Man has all the Golden Winger awards in one place. It is your duty, nay, your HONOR to visit, and prepare yourselves to vote after the new year.
Where the hell do these people come from? Screwy Hoolie of Scrutiny Hooligans digs up another Holy Crusader.
Sadly, No!'s Brad R. provides in-depth analysis of the Instapundit's "I Can't Believe It's Not the Iraq Study Group". I swear, the stupidity demonstrated by these people should constitute the Eighth Wonder of the World.
Shorter Roger Ailes (no, not that one) to Gregg Easterbrook: Oh, quit yer bitchin' and enjoy your comfortable life, you git.
No More Mister Nice Blog's Steve M. has me freaked out: Chippendale's Santas???
Whale Shaman at Jelly Pizza provides photographic evidence of one of the Bushes' favorite drinking games.
Hey, Yahoo! Stop ripping off Skippy!
Sorry, but I made myself laugh when I made this.