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Late Nite FDL: God Save the Queens

god save the queen

It's practically getting to be a joke, isn't it?  One more Denver Talibangelical preacher is going down (ahem!), er, stepping down because of his illicit affairs with other men. (via TPM): 

Clearly the reprogramming camps are going to have their work cut out for them.

The founding pastor of a second Colorado church has resigned over gay sex allegations, just weeks after the evangelical community was shaken by the scandal surrounding megachurch leader Ted Haggard.


On Sunday, Paul Barnes, founding pastor of the 2,100-member Grace Chapel in this Denver suburb, told his evangelical congregation in a videotaped message he had had sexual relations with other men and was stepping down.

Dave Palmer, associate pastor of Grace Chapel, told The Denver Post that Barnes confessed to him after the church received a call last week.

You know, I have been spending my time since the election attempting to hone my knowledge of the Radical Gay Agenda in hopes of infiltrating the Christianist chuch and bringing it down from within.  But it looks like the sad, sick, repressed faggots that run the place are saving me the trouble.

You know, the thing that really frosts me about these men?  Well, there's a couple of things, really.  One is that they only come out when they're about to be forced out:

The church's associate pastor, Dave Palmer, told the Post that the church got an anonymous call last week from a person who said he had overheard a conversation in which someone mentioned "blowing the whistle" on evangelical preachers engaged in homosexuality, including Barnes.  (

And then we have the dubious privilege of hearing their self-serving, anguished confessions:

The Rev. Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel in South Denver announced in a video taped message to his congregation Sunday that he was stepping down.

"I have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy," Barnes said in the video according to the Denver Post which was allowed to view the tape.

".. I can't tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep, begging God to take this away."

In the video Barnes is seen sitting with his wife.

Why do they always drag their poor wives into it?

But, hey, that reminds me of a joke.

Q. What's in the air in Denver that keeps Christian women from getting pregnant?

A. Their husbands' legs.

Thank you, I'll be here all week!  Try the veal. 

But see, now we're supposed to sit still without giggling while they unspool their angst and beg us to forgive them.

"I have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy,"

Funny, you know?  So have I.  Except I didn't feel the need to lie and lie and lie about it.  I didn't marry some poor insecure alto from the church choir and then proceed to run around behind her back with other men.  I didn't present myself as any kind of moral arbiter to a bunch of weak-minded, easily duped Christianist Sheeple, either.   

In a way, I guess I can sort of understand where these guys are coming from, though.  Jesus Christ is the Elemental Boyfriend.  Sensitive Jewish guy, big brown eyes, rich dad, and he loves you no matter what you do.  He would die for you.  And there he is, hanging (*cough*) out naked at the front of the church every week.  You are encouraged to fasten your eyes upon his lithe, nude body and think about luuurrrrrve.  Big lurrrrve.  A lurrrrrrve that transcends time and even the bonds of death itself.  It's got to send some pretty confusing messages to those poor men's limbic brains.

I know it caused me no end of cognitive dissonance to sit there in church each Sunday and gaze in rapture at the Holy Hipbones and Inner Thighs of Jesus Christ, My Personal Lord and Savior™.  But then, you know, I turned 14, kissed my first boy, and never looked back.

It's enough to almost make you feel sorry for them.  But I don't.  The fact that they can persist in this kind of denial:

During his tearful confession, the 54-year-old acknowledged struggling with his identity since childhood and being racked with self-loathing because of his "firm moral family." Despite being unable to escape himself, even after being reborn, Barnes claimed he could not accept that people were "born that way."

This indicates to me that in spite of everything, somehow Pastor Barnes has found a way to cling to his ignorance, even through his own Gay Sex Hell.  Amazing.

Well, good luck at Ex-Gay Camp, Barnes!  Give our best to Ted Haggard!  I'm sure all it's going to take is some extra super special prayin' and teh gay will just wash right off in the Blood of the Lamb.  No worries.  Let us know how everything comes out, okay?  

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TRex is a 60-million-year-old theropod who enjoys terrorizing trailer parks, stomping his enemies, and eating things that get in his way or annoy him. He is single and looking for a new boyfriend. He's 60 feet tall, green, with delicate forelimbs, large, sharp teeth, and a lengthy tail. Turn-ons include political activism, bashing conservatives, and volcanoes. Turn-offs are vegetarians, right-wing blogs, and killer asteroids.