Culture Crash

Messala: Sir, you ask how to fight an idea. Well
I’ll tell you how… with another idea!

D (that would be the D at Lawyers, Guns, and Money) catches Victor Davis Grandpa Simpson Hanson at his most ridiculous. If there was a VDH Parody Post contest, this one would have won the gold medal. Or laurel crown. Or doe-eyed slaveboy. Whatever.


That’s a good idea!

No. Not the slaveboy, doe-eyed or not..

Okay, here’s the deal: Create your own

Victor Davis I Was A Teenaged Classicist Hanson Blog Post

…and win big prizes. Well, not all of you of course. This is a meritocracy, not the White House where they give out the Medal of Freedom like it was a starlight mint (not the band, the candy). Only the best and brightest-est gets to win. Simply write up your best parody post (about the length of the excerpt at LG&M) and email it to me at tblogg at hotmail.com. Make sure to put VDH in the subject line so it doesn’t get lost with with all of the emails coming from my Russian bride who is bringing my Nigerian money to me along with a lot of Viagra so I can love her long time.

The rules:

  • Only one post per email. Only one email per contributor, this is not a work in progress- nail it and email it.
  • Must be in By Friday 5PM PST. Winner to be announced Sunday night-ish 12/10.
  • Winner to be selected by ….me. What? Like I was going to bring in an international panel of judges? Or Paula Abdul? Dream on, Sparky…
  • No dirty Latin phrases. Trust me, they may be a hoot with the boys down at The Sodomized Leprechaun or whatever creepy neighborhood pub you hang out at, but they’ll be as foreign to me as a salad is to Jonah Goldberg.
  • Everyone is eligible except Victor Davis Hanson… for obvious reasons.

“But Tom,” you ask, “what’s in it for me if I win?”

Good question. Ta-da!:

Four– count’em— four disc set

The numbers speak volumes: 100,000 costumes, 8,000 extras, 300 sets and a staggering budget in its day the largest in movie history. Ben-Hur’s creators made it the best, the greatest Biblical-era epic ever. Charlton Heston brings a muscular physical and moral presence to the role of Judah Ben-Hur, a Jewish nobleman in Palestine whose heroic odyssey includes enslavement by the Romans, a bold escape from an embattled slave galley, vengeance against his tormentors during a furious arena chariot race and fateful encounters with Jesus Christ. Heston’s charismatic performance brought him the Best Actor Oscar; the winner as 1959’s Best Picture with the legendary William Wyler earning his third Best Director trophy, the film won a total 11 Academy Awards — a tally unequaled until 1997’s Titanic set sail.

The set also includes the “1925 Feature-length Silent Version of Ben-Hur with a stereophonic orchestral score by composer Carl Davis.” Also outakes where Charlton Heston keeps saying, “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty Roman!”

So get cracking. Because Sunday night, only one will be able to claim:

Vidi, vici, veni
…and then have a cigarette.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....