Face the Snark
"No, it's Number 2 this time."
For the week ending 12/2/06:
WASHINGTON – Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Friday she is certain the United States has made mistakes in the Iraq war, but the world will have to wait until she is out of government to learn what she thinks they were.
[cue theme music for "The View"]
Barbara Walters: "Hello, and welcome back to 'The View'! We're very pleased to have an extra-special guest today. . ."
Rosie O'Donnell: "With an emphasis on 'special', if you know what I'm talking about . . . and I think you do . . ." [audience laughter]
Barbara Walters: "Please welcome former Secretary of State and author of Skating on Thin Ice, Condoleezza Rice!" [polite applause as Ms. Rice enters stage right and takes her seat] "It's a pleasure to have you on 'The View', Condi."
Condi Rice: "It's a pleasure to be here."
Joy Behar: "I must say, Condi, those are beautiful shoes. Ferragamo?" [O'Donnell performs an exaggerated spit-take]
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: "If this is going to turn into a Bush-bashing session, I'm leaving." [Walters puts a maternal hand on Hasselbeck's arm to quiet her]
Barbara Walters: "So, Condi, it must be nice to finally be back at your old stomping grounds of Stanford."
Condi Rice: "Well, yes, I've always loved academia."
Joy Behar: [waves a hand impatiently] "Sooooo, spill! You promised two years ago you'd spill, now spill." [audience laughter]
Condi Rice: [laughs nervously] "Well, that's why I wrote this book. I mean, to read all the gossip, you'll have to buy Skating on Thin Ice."
Rosie O'Donnell: "It's the other book in the George W. Bush Library." [looks directly at camera and sighs]
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: [to Walters] "What did I tell you? It's going to be nothing but a conservative bashing session."
Joy Behar: "Tell us about the Iraq War. You said that mistakes were made. What do you think the mistakes were?"
Rosie O'Donnell: "Other than your failure to buy up Halliburton stock back in '02."
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: "That's IT! I'm out of here!"
T'was the week of Popes, Dopes, "Nopes," and Mormon undies. The Pope tried to make nice with the Muslims, the Idiot King first tried to cram words down the Iraqi Prime Minister's throat and then Jim Webb's, and the Bush twins refused to leave Argentina. After all, it is THE hot spot for war criminals…
First, the Dope. From the Professor of Rude:
How embarrassing it must have been for al-Maliki, who had tried so hard just the day before to show that you can't treat a real boy like a puppet, to be dragged in front of the cameras with a hand shoved up his ass to make him turn and speak whatever the puppeteer had scripted. No wonder he couldn't manage a smile. No wonder he seemed a bit put off that Bush had let the whole thing go on longer than they had agreed, when he said, "We said six question, now this is the seventh — this is the eighth — eight questions," in response to Bush asking him if he wanted to answer more.
For al-Maliki, the whole event was the rhetorical equivalent of being forced to stand naked with women's panties on his head while the conquerors took souvenir snapshots.
Sadly, No!'s Gavin M. feigns surprise at Bush's dismissal of Poppy's friends' ideas for Iraq. Somebody fetch Steve M. at No More Mister Nice Blog some smelling salts. Hairy Fish Nuts' salvage questions whether Bush's latest brilliant idea doesn't qualify as genocide.
Quiddity at uggabugga encapsulates the "Friedman" approach to Iraq. alicublog's Roy Edroso is stunned by the Iraq Study Group's genius of simplicity. Craig at Donkey Path imagines the off-the-record conversation between al-Maliki and Bush.
The Editors at The Poor Man Institute cites a study that may explain Elisabeth Hasselbeck's political preferences: she's psychotic.
According to the General, there but for the grace of the OfGeorges goes Jim Webb. Pudentilla at Skippy the Bush Kangaroo wonders whether Webb-bashing George Will or any of the maroons at the Washington Post bother to read their fan mail. Mustang Bobby at Bark Bark Woof Woof slaps the cocktail weenie from Will's hand.
Mitt Romney had a bad week, too (and no, I'm not talking about K-Lo's panties or Althouse's delicate sensibilities). Shakespeare's Sister dishes the garden dirt, while Rising Hegemon's attaturk pens an ode to Mitt, the latest candidate for '08.
Poparatzi goes to Turkey. Princess Sparkle Pony takes note of some of his activities, while over at Dependable Renegade, I am in perpetual awe of his fashion sense. On a tangential note, Tengrain at Mock, Paper, Scissors made me laugh.
Where's Bill O'Reilly? Commandante Agi at The Pime notes that another front on The War on Christmas has been opened. And don't get Steve O. at Bring it On! started about the Capitol Hill Bible study room…
Jeez, you thought the "2007 G.O.P. National Character Counts Calendar" attaturk and I are cobbling together is "porn"? Check out what World O' Crap's s.z. got in the mail.
And lest this story fall by the wayside, Jessica at Feministing wryly notes the typical response to the male contraceptive pill and Mac at Pesky'Apostrophe kicks back and waits for the wingnut explosion.