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Late Nite FDL: The Christian Right is Neither

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Can we stop calling them "Christians" yet?

The Florida pastor recently tapped to lead the Christian Coalition of America resigned his position in a dispute about conservative philosophy – more than a month before he was to fully assume his post, he said this week.

The Rev. Joel Hunter, of Northland, A Church Distributed, in Longwood, Fla., said he quit as president-elect of the group founded by evangelist Pat Robertson because he realized he would be unable to broaden the organization's agenda beyond opposing abortion and same-sex marriage.

He hoped to include issues such as easing poverty and saving the environment.

"These are issues that Jesus would want us to care about," Hunter said.

Oh, Rev. Hunter, didn't you get the memo?  Christ and his teachings have NO PLACE in the modern Tablibangelical mega-mega-church movement!  What the hell are you thinking?  Money only flows ONE WAY in the modern chuch and that's IN not OUT!  Gawd, get it right!

The resignation took place Tuesday during an organization board meeting. Hunter said he was not asked to leave.

"They pretty much said, "These issues are fine, but they're not our issues; that's not our base,' " Hunter said. A statement issued by the coalition said Hunter resigned because of "differences in philosophy and vision." The organization, headed by President Roberta Combs, claims a mailing list of 2.5 million.

Hunter's move signals more tumult for a group that has fallen on hard times. Members have complained the coalition's agenda has become too liberal and diffuse.

Hunter hoped to revive the group by expanding its agenda to include what he called "compassion issues." He also planned to teach evangelicals how to "vote with their life," or integrate and apply their Christian values to public life.


You poor, silly man.  Don't you understand that the "Culture of Life" means bombing abortion clinics, bashing gays, and calling for the wholesale persecution and harassment of people who don't share your religious views?  In fact, nowhere is the radical Christian agenda being carried out with more zeal and aplomb than in Baghdad.  KILL ANYONE WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE AS YOU BELIEVE!!  TORTURE THEM IN THE PUBLIC SQUARE!!  SET THEM ON FIIIIIIIIRE!!

We don't need no steenkin' love and tolerance!!  We're CHRISTIANS!!  WE MUST KILL!!  KILL!!  KIIIIILLLLL!!!

Purveyors of Evangelical Christianity could apparently give two shits about what Jesus actually said, i.e., Love thy neighbor, minister to the poor and powerless, provide aid to the sick and comfort to the dying, and teach your children to respect others and glorify God in everything they do.  That particular part of the message must have gotten cut off on Pat Robertson's official fax of the Mission Statement from the offices of God, Inc.  These people can't be bothered with the poor and sick when people are OUT THERE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW AND ACTUALLY ENJOYING IT!!  We've got to get our hatin' on!  Times a-wastin'! 

There's no time to worry about the environment when clearly the Church has a mandate to meddle in the affairs of state as much as it can!  What the fuck are you thinking, Reverend Hunter?!  Our children are being taught actual SCIENCE in school!  We can't have that!!  We've got to stop their impressionable young minds before they learn to think critically!  This is AMERICA, where people don't THINK!  They just BELIEVE!!  We have to have faith, faith that George Bush is a good man whose decisions are inspired by God!  Faith that the world will end in the Rapture before we gotta worry about any of that climate-change hooey!!  


I can take some comfort in the fact that this perversion of true Christianity is not a modern invention.  I'm reading Charles Dickens's The Pickwick Papers right now, and took particular notice of this from the preface to the 1867 edition:

But it is never out of season to protest against that coarse familiarity with sacred things which is so busy on the lip, and idle in the heart; or against the confounding of Christianity with any class of persons who, in the words of Swift, have just enough religion to make them hate, and not enough to make them love, one another.

"Busy on the lip and idle in the heart."  If any phrase more accurately describes the woeful state of modern American "Christianity", then I don't know what it is. 

So, as I was saying at the outset of this post, can we please stop calling these people Christians?  Can we call them Falwellians?  Robertsonians?  

Or maybe we should just stick with "Talibangelicals".  It just says so much, doesn't it?

And while we're on the subject, isn't it about time that these "religious" organizations start paying taxes?  If they want a seat at the policy-making table, they're going to have to contribute to their upkeep.  Cough it up, Pat Robertson, oh, you of the diamond mines and offshore accounts.  It's time to render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's, and that means TAXES, bitchez!  I think it's time you started giving a little something back to the nation that has so heedlessly allowed you to run your fat, hatin' mouth with impunity for so many years. 

Persecute a "Christian" today!  It's what Jesus would really want.  Trust me on this one.  He's a friend of mine from way back.

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TRex is a 60-million-year-old theropod who enjoys terrorizing trailer parks, stomping his enemies, and eating things that get in his way or annoy him. He is single and looking for a new boyfriend. He's 60 feet tall, green, with delicate forelimbs, large, sharp teeth, and a lengthy tail. Turn-ons include political activism, bashing conservatives, and volcanoes. Turn-offs are vegetarians, right-wing blogs, and killer asteroids.