Gonna wash those men right out of your hair

According to Dr. James Dobson, it’s going to take about four to five years to get Ted Haggard back on the straight and narrow and, quite frankly, Jimbo doesn’t have time for the pain:

KING: Have you spoken to him?

DOBSON: I have talked to him. I was asked to serve on a three person restoration panel and I originally wanted to be of help and said that I would, but I just don’t have the time to do that. And I called my board of directors, we talked about it at length and they were unanimous in asking me not to do that, because this could take four or five years and I just have too many other things going on.

Now I didn’t think that Dobson was really gonna go all Cats In The Cradle with Haggard and teach him how to throw (and to this day we still don’t know if Haggard is a pitcher or a catcher), but I thought that Dobson might at least follow some of his own advice:

“[T]he boy’s father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son’s maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.”

One would think that taking a shower with Dr. James Dobson would make just about anyone swear off the dick. No matter how big it is.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....