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Late Nite FDL: Republicans in Disarray

sinking fast

Don't let anybody kid you, gang.  The Republicans are in total meltdown.  They can write as many "DISASTER FOR THE DEMS!!" headlines as they want and take bitchy little swipes at Nancy Pelosi until they go blue in the face, but the reality of our current circumstance is this: Republicans are fucked.  And it's their own damn fault.

Due to the fact that all of their (ahem) best and brightest of the last decade are incarcerated or facing charges, the Republicans have resorted to a completely fresh set of faces to represent them in Congress, a bold group of innovators with a maverick agenda designed to set the Grand Old Party back on the right path and rescue the conservative cause in the eyes of history.



No, actually, they just dug Trent Lott out of his shallow grave by the highway and paid a voodoo houngan to bring him back to life.  He's fine now, except for the smell.  We've got John Boehner in the House and (yawn) Mel Martinez filling Mehlman's penny loafers as soon as he minces away.  Not exactly a stellar line up of talent there, gentlemen!  Kinda heavy on the recently exhumed, innit?  Or is this some kind of affirmative action program for cadavers?  (I thought you people didn't do quotas!)

The Reich Wing blog crowd sure are trying to put a brave face on it, though.  You can't say they aren't persistent in their denial of reality, at least.  You see a lot of this sort of thing I saw in the comments at Jawa Report:

We have not yet begun to fight.

Posted by: jesusland joe at November 9, 2006 05:50 PM

Well, Joe, dude.  You might want to get on that, seeing as how the election is, like, sooooo over.  And you lost. 
Got pwn3d, bitchez!
And really, I do believe this is the beginning of the end for Republicans for a nice long time, because no matter what happens, the Iraq War and its catastrophic consequences are going to be with us for generations.  The Republican hegemony that was launched in 1994 by that fat little piece of kindling Newt Gingrich has broken up on the runway, killing everyone on board. 
Dick Meyer has some thoughts on that (via C&L):
The iconic figures of this era were Newt Gingrich, Richard Armey and Tom Delay. They were zealous advocates of free markets, low taxes and the pursuit of wealth; they were hawks and often bellicose; they were brutal critics of big government.

Yet none of these guys had success in capitalism. None made any real money before coming to Congress. None of them spent a day in uniform. And they all spent the bulk of their adult careers getting paychecks from the big government they claimed to despise. Two resigned in disgrace.

Having these guys in charge of a radical conservative agenda was like, well, putting Mark Foley in charge of the Missing and Exploited Children Caucus. Indeed, Foley was elected in the Class of '94 and is not an inappropriate symbol of their regime.

I believe you're forgetting the Preznint, Mr. Meyer.  He is their avatar, you understand, the penultimate achievement in their crusade to rape the highest offices of the land. 
More than the others, Newton Leroy Gingrich 
Heh.  "Leroy".
lived out a very special hypocrisy. In addition to the above biographical dissonance, Gingrich was one of the most sharp-tongued, articulate and persuasive attack dogs in modern politics. His favorite target was the supposed immorality and corruption of the Democratic Party. With soaring rhetoric, he condemned his opponents as anti-American and dangerous to our country's family values — "grotesque" was a favorite word.

Yet this was a man who was divorced twice — the first time when his wife was hospitalized for cancer treatment, the second time after an affair was revealed.

Gingrich made his bones in the party by relentlessly attacking Democratic corruption, yet he was hounded from office because of a series of serious ethics questions. He posed as a reformer of the House, yet championed a series of deforms that made the legislative process more closed, more conducive to hiding special interest favors and less a forum for genuine debate.

And he did it all with epic sanctimony. 

That's the effin' truth.  Jesus.  Gingrich is like a man who threw a party, then took a giant shit in the middle of the main table (Hey, let's shut down the federal government and impeach the President!  What could possibly go wrong?!), got kicked out of the house, and then came back an hour later, drunk and shouting, "JESUS, it smells like SHIT in here!  What the hell happened?!"
But please, Newt, RUN FOR PRESIDENT.  I could use the laughs.
It's the GOP's Hour of the Wolf, walpurgisnacht, Karmageddon.  They have a President who they're backing away from like a homeless person in a hot elevator.  They've got a war they started and can't finish.  They've got multiple intertwining ethics and corruption investigations and more on the way, and a line-up of '08 hopefuls who look about as appealing as water tetrazzini.  This is no temporary run of bad luck for these people.  It's the end of the world as they know it.
And I feel fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine… 
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TRex is a 60-million-year-old theropod who enjoys terrorizing trailer parks, stomping his enemies, and eating things that get in his way or annoy him. He is single and looking for a new boyfriend. He's 60 feet tall, green, with delicate forelimbs, large, sharp teeth, and a lengthy tail. Turn-ons include political activism, bashing conservatives, and volcanoes. Turn-offs are vegetarians, right-wing blogs, and killer asteroids.