I bought the crystal,
but I did not suck the gay man’s dick…

Let’s see: he bought the meth, but he didn’t use it.
He had a “massage”, but he didn’t have sex.

Eleven year olds lie better than this.

Meanwhile the Ole Perfesser points out that he certainly looks gayish:

ANOTHER EVANGELIST SEX SCANDAL: I don’t think I’d ever even heard of this Haggard guy, but you’d think the picture would be enough to tip people off about the gay part. . . .

Wow. Then he oughta check out that guy on the Supreme Court

I hope your gaydar was on a surge protector….

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....