CommunityPam's House Blend

The Iraquagmire Football Analogy

One week before the election… and Howard Dean is on TV talking about middle class tax relief.


When will these bumbling Democrats figure out that this election is about one thing and one thing only: The War. Imagine this scenario in contradistinction: Al Gore is serving his second term as president and we’re bogged down in Iraq with almost 3,000 dead soldiers, 21,000 wounded soldiers, and 9,000,000,000 dollars, 400 tons of munitions, and 14,000+ weapons have just gone missing. Do you suppose Ken Mehlman’s attack ads would say, “Americans really want middle class tax relief”?

Or do you suppose that every ad on radio, TV, and the internet coming from the RNC would pound pound pound away at President Gore’s* failure in Iraq? (With, of course, a few homophobic anti-gay-marriage ads and a few race-baiting ads thrown in to satisfy the Talibaniacs and the rednecks.)

In Oregon, Republican gubernatorial candidate Ron “I don’t know nuttin’ ’bout my illegal farm workers” Saxton has a campaign ad that starts with “We’re all frustrated with the state of national politics these days. But this election isn’t about Washington DC, it’s about Oregon.” He spouts off some more and closes with “I’m a Republican, but I’ll agree with my party when it’s right and oppose it when it’s wrong.” Now, yes, Oregon is a left coast progressive state, but still it’s telling that Saxton is trying to distance himself from the Republican scandals and in a larger sense, Mr. Bush.

The Republicans know they’re on the canvas looking at number “9” in the ten count. Not that the Democrats knocked them down; these bozos slipped too many times and punched themselves in the face. The Democrats have complained about the ref, complained that the Republicans’ boxing gloves are loaded, complained that there’s a slick spot in the ring, complained about the lights and the cameramen, and complained that the Republicans keep hitting below the belt… but they never get around to actually throwing a punch! So here’s the GOP, weak-kneed and barely beating the “10” count, wobbly enough that the slightest uppercut of “where’s Osama?” or “how’s that war goin’?” would knock them out.

And Howard Dean and the Democrats keep letting them get in the clutch or rope-a-dope. I won’t be surprised at all if they keep the House and the Senate… these Democrats aren’t man enough to fight for it. They want the ref to call the fight rather than taking the fight to the opponent.

*Double sigh*

Anyway, speaking of sports-to-politics analogies, I found this one about the Iraq War on the Huffington Post’s comment section. It made me laugh and I thought I’d share it.

Dig if you will, a picture…

Dan Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins, goes to Texas Stadium and pisses on the star. Well, Cowboy owner Jerry Jones won’t stand for this and challenges the Denver Broncos to an exhibition game to be played at Texas Stadium. Jerry promises Cowboy coach Bill Parcells that he will have the best resources at his disposal to beat the Broncos. Jerry then hires Michael Jordan, David Beckham, Michael Schumacher, and Tiger Woods, at a cost of $350 billion dollars, to help the Cowboys beat the Broncos.

Game Day comes. Jerry arranges for the team bus to deliver the team to the Cotton Bowl instead of Texas Stadium. The Broncos figure, whatever, and go to the Cotton Bowl. The Cowboys are ready to take the field, but to the crowd’s amazement, the Cowboys are dressed in Dallas Mavericks uniforms! Plus, the Cowboys aren’t wearing any shoulder pads, as Jerry gave the money earmarked for shoulder pads to Tiger Woods.

Bill Parcells decides that Drew Bledsoe can get the ball to Jordan and TO whenever he wants. The Cowboys streak to a 14-3 lead in the first quarter. Between quarters, Jerry Jones appears at the center of the Cotton Bowl, declaring that the game was over.

Broncos coach Mike Shanahan remembers that a football game has 4 quarters and keeps playing.

Because the Broncos are well equipped and the Cowboys are playing in basketball uniforms, the Broncos start to take the game to the Cowboys. Jerry Jones instructs Parcells to start running David Beckham, playing HB, into a series of dives into the line. Becks doesn’t gain much yardage. The score is 14-14 at halftime, 27-17 Broncos after three quarters.

“How could Jerry do this to our once proud franchise,” Cowboy fans start thinking. A chant starts ringing around the Cotton Bowl.


The fans are still Cowboy fans. They are just sick of losing a game against a team they didn’t have to play in the first place and want a new owner.

Meanwhile, Dan Snyder laughs his ass off.

* I write “President Gore” just to see if Shakespeare’s Sister is reading…

Previous post

Yes, Let's Do Mention the War

Next post

Ken Mehlman gets a taste of his own medicine in 'call me' parody ad